This week the world mourns the death of Otto von Habsburg, who championed world unity, opposed the Nazi movement, served as a member of the European Parliament and was the last Crown Prince of Austria-Hungary. You know, back when Austria and Hungary were hyphenated, in 1916. That means von Habsburg was the last Crown Prince at the age of four. Most four year olds consider sleeping through the night without wetting the bed an accomplishment, so von Habsburg's young rule is certainly impressive. However, that's not the most impressive thing about the boy prince. Von Habsburg's name wins out as his most defining characteristic, because -- get this -- Otto von Habsburg's full name is Franz Joseph Otto Robert Maria Anton Karl Max Heinrich Sixtus Xavier Felix Renatus Ludwig Gaetan Pius Ignatius von Habsburg.
Holy crap. That's a different name for every five years of his life. Which begs the question: what other historical figures have names that crush other names?
Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvim John Kenneth Loyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor Willian Xerxes Yancy Zeus Maybe you've heard of him? Probably not, but this German immigrant has the longest name in the world, according to the Guiness Book of World Records. Notice that he has a first name for every letter of the alphabet. The craziness doesn't end there, though, because Hubert's (he likes to go by Hubert) last name is Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff-voralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswesenchafewrenwholgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbesch-utzenvonangereifenduchihrraubgiriigfeindewelchevorralternzwolftausendjahresvorandiee-rscheinenbanderersteerdeemmeshedrraumschiffgbrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraftges-tartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternartigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelshegehabtbewo-hnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevanverstandigmenshlichkeittkonnte-vortpflanzenundsicherfreunanlebenslamdlichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifen-vonandererintlligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum . Senior. For realsies. It probably took him the duration of his formative years learning how to spell his last name.
Mahershalalhashbaz Mahershalalhashbaz's claim to fame is that he has the longest name in the Bible. He stars in Isaiah 8:1 as the second son of Isaiah. Apparently, some people think his name makes the perfect name for a child, even though he does nothing of importance in the Bible, because Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, an actor who has starred in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and The 4400, sports the same name.
Id Amin Dada The third president of Uganda was not given a crazy and long name at birth, and so he gave one ot himself later in life: During his rule, Amin titled himself "His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular." Everyone should take the time to title themselves something as ridiculous. For instance: "Marge, Queen of the House, Wife of Arnie for Life, Ruler of the Siamese Cat in the Front Room and the Labrador in the Back, and Everything in General While Nothing in Particular.
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Wilhelm II Wilhelm II, Emperor of Germany at the turn of the 1900s, must not have believed in delegating roles, because he took all of the following titles to himself, which all together compose his full title: His Imperial and Royal Majesty Wilhelm the Second, by the Grace of God, German Emperor and King of Prussia, Margrave of Brandenburg, Burgrave of Nuremberg, Count of Hohenzollern, Duke of Silesia and of the County of Glatz, Grand Duke of the Lower Rhine and of Posen, Duke of Saxony, of Angria, of Westphalia, of Pomerania and of Lunenburg, Duke of Schleswig, of Holstein and of Crossen, Duke of Magdeburg, of Bremen, of Guelderland and of Jülich, Cleves and Berg, Duke of the Wends and the Kashubians, of Lauenburg and of Mecklenburg, Landgrave of Hesse and in Thuringia, Margrave of Upper and Lower Lusatia, Prince of Orange, of Rugen, of East Friesland, of Paderborn and of Pyrmont, Prince of Halberstadt, of Münster, of Minden, of Osnabrück, of Hildesheim, of Verden, of Kammin, of Fulda, of Nassau and of Moers, Princely Count of Henneberg, Count of the Mark, of Ravensberg, of Hohenstein, of Tecklenburg and of Lingen, Count of Mansfeld, of Sigmaringen and of Veringen, Lord of Frankfurt. Good God.