Email Author Patrick Osborn

2004 Stories by Patrick Osborn

• Drunk of the Week

  published December 30, 2004

  Sometimes just a small, evil influence can tip a night over to the Dark Side. And while the Dark Side may appear more powerful, a bar will not... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published December 23, 2004

  For the record, I want to state that Vail Resorts' big loss in its first quarter had nothing to do with my being there a few weeks ago. In fact,... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published December 16, 2004

  Thank God there's just over a week left until Christmas. The spirit has been beaten out of me by all the forced cheer on television and KOSI 101,... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published December 9, 2004

  It's that time of year when people walk around with a fearful look in their eyes, knowing they have only fifteen shopping days left until... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published December 2, 2004

  Now, at 96 hours post-drunk, we have located the missing members of the Institute of Drinking Studies and pieced together most of what happened... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published November 11, 2004

  We here at the Institute of Drinking Studies are always looking for new watering holes to grace with our presence, our stunted sense of "humor"... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published November 4, 2004

  Things just aren't the same anymore. I think it's the fault of the Democrats. Or maybe the Republicans, the Catholic Church, the Air Force... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published October 28, 2004

  Turning thirty is a mother. All of a sudden your body is falling apart before your eyes; if things continue to progress at this pace, you'll be in... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published October 21, 2004

  "C'mon, let's go to Willie's! It's Stripper Tuesday!" "Uh, dude, it's Wednesday." "Whatever." Even as the Head of Drinking Regrets... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published October 14, 2004

  I recently went to the happiest place on Earth -- and no, I don't mean Disneyland, which calls itself "The Happiest Place on Earth" because it has... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published October 7, 2004

  There's nothing like a bad case of hiccups to ruin an otherwise enjoyable evening of greasy food and excellent drink. I'm talking about hiccups... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published September 30, 2004

  So I'm driving down the road the other day, flashing dirty looks and giving the finger to all the morons with cell phones stuck in their ears,... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published September 23, 2004

  When I came to Colorado ten years ago and immediately started railing against the typical Coloradan's lack of driving skill ("It's snowing/raining... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published September 16, 2004

  Many things cause guys to regress and act half their ages. Women, for example, can turn even accomplished hounds into virtual teenagers who will... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published September 9, 2004

  We here at the Institute of Drinking Studies are nothing if not conscientious. We advocate strict rules that govern the planning and execution of... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published September 2, 2004

  This is my favorite time of year. By early September, the temperature's cooling off, football is dominating more and more of SportsCenter... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published August 26, 2004

  Life is full of unending battles. Hitting your ideal weight and body habitus; making the perfect Bloody Mary; sending a politician to Washington... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published August 19, 2004

  Things have officially gotten out of hand in America. Entering Super Target the other day with my daughter, Allison, I noticed a prominent display... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published August 12, 2004

  It's human nature to try to improve upon past accomplishments. We strive to improve our work skills, our time in the mile, our driving so that we... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published August 5, 2004

  When you wake up after a night of carousing, two questions should emerge from your clouded mind: 1) Where am I? 2) Who am I with?... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 29, 2004

  Happy hour is one of the greatest inventions in history. If you're really honest with yourself, I think you'll agree that only wide-screen TVs,... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 22, 2004

  LoDo has bars for every mood. I have a favorite or two where, during football season, I start pouring down Bloody Marys at 11 a.m. Although they... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 15, 2004

  Q: What does the Institute of Drinking Studies recommend after a monumentally bad week? A week that leaves you bruised, battered and trying... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 8, 2004

  Every day, it becomes increasingly obvious that those in power count on citizen apathy to let them skate by with policies that pander to special... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 1, 2004

  Whatever happened to customer service? Bars don't have Guinness on tap. I get soggy fries at McDonald's. If I'm out eating with five other people,... More >>