Email Author Patrick Osborn

2005 Stories by Patrick Osborn

• Party Time

  published December 22, 2005

  'Tis the season when it's socially acceptable to act like someone who hit puberty and was given the keys to a brand-new muscle car on the same... More >>

• Dr. Etiquette's Guide to New Year's Eve

  published December 15, 2005

  1. Is it true that some religious sects observe New Year's Day as the Feast of Christ's Circumcision? Yes, but thankfully, not Catholics... More >>

• Conversation Starter

  published December 8, 2005

  I am pleased to announce that Hanson's Grill & Tavern (1301 South Pearl Street) has been granted Most Favored Bar status by the Liaison for... More >>

• Roo Bar

  published December 1, 2005

  Have you ever seen the look on someone's face the first time he rides a roller coaster? It's a mixture of abject fear, exhilaration and... More >>

• Breckenridge Brewery and BBQ

  published November 24, 2005

  It's that time of year again, when we gather with loved ones and pick at the unfinished turkey only to get yelled at by the cook. To avoid this... More >>

• Cork House

  published November 17, 2005

  Colfax has come a long way in its revitalization, although we may see increased ratings for Johns TV after Channel 4's recent exposé... More >>

• University of Wisconsin

  published November 10, 2005

  The recent Institute of Drinking Studies excursion to Madison, Wisconsin, had nothing to do with the much-publicized Halloween riots. I... More >>

• Pub on Pearl

  published November 3, 2005

  Several members of the Institute of Drinking Studies -- all definite throwbacks -- met recently at a very manly and friendly throwback of a... More >>

• Applebee's

  published October 27, 2005

  The other night I ducked into Target to get some razors made of a rare metal that dulls after one shave, despite a per-ounce price that's higher... More >>

• Brix

  published October 20, 2005

  Has anyone seen an escaped monkey? I've been scouring the papers for such information since a night at Brix (3000 East Third Avenue), when... More >>

• Darcy’s Bistro and Pub

  published October 13, 2005

  We here at the Institute of Drinking Studies regard alcohol as a wonderful tool in the battle against age. With a few on board, it's easy to... More >>

• Pour House Pub

  published October 6, 2005

  When women get together after a long separation, their discussion seems to focus on who's pregnant, married, divorced, cheating and/or fat. Men... More >>

• Soiled Dove

  published September 29, 2005

  Denver narrowly missed a cataclysmic disaster last week. "I almost walked out of my place without my pants," JP confessed as he clambered into the... More >>

• Wyman's #5

  published September 22, 2005

  When the planets align, Institute members answer that primal call to go out and get overserved -- no matter what else may be going on, and no... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published September 15, 2005

  No one here at the Institute of Drinking Studies is dumb enough to admit that he is a virgin. In fact, I'd guess that every representative has had... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published September 8, 2005

  I am a big fan of Mexican culture. It's brought us Taco Bell (a legal form of crack), sombreros for any occasion, MTV Spring Break in... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published September 1, 2005

  We all pine for simpler days, like those in high school when our only real worries were what to wear, who was engaging in heavy petting with whom... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published August 25, 2005

  Planning a wedding is a big job for a bride and her family. They have to decide on the service, the flowers, the wedding-party members, the date,... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published August 18, 2005

  We here at the Institute of Drinking Studies got into journalism for the same reason as Woodward and Bernstein, George Will and Woody Paige: to... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published August 11, 2005

  We here at the Institute of Drinking Studies have determined that good bars are more a state of mind than a physical place. Good bars share... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published August 4, 2005

  There are signs I may be getting old -- although I like to attribute them to things like global warming and international terrorism. Gray hairs... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 28, 2005

  You should never have to wait for some things: for sex in a pornographic film claiming to have a plot and "acting"; for beer in a bar; for red... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 21, 2005

  Make no mistake: To drink at Institute levels without being arrested or causing harm to yourself, others or international relations, you must... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 14, 2005

  Corporate America seems intent on demeaning society. I discovered this recently while paging through Cosmo to a) find out what a pig I am,... More >>

• Drunk of the Week

  published July 7, 2005

  It's that bittersweet time of year when we must say goodbye to certain members of the Institute of Drinking Studies as they move on to greater... More >>