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2005 Stories by Patrick Osborn

Archives: 2007 | 2006 | 2005 | 2004 | 2003
  • Drunk of the Week

    published June 30, 2005

    Numerous traits separate the men from the guys. Men come up with sensitive gifts to present their dates, surreptitiously hoping to buy a night in... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published June 23, 2005

    On a midweek foray to the Atomic Cowboy (3235 East Colfax Avenue), I quickly ingratiated myself with one of the waitresses and got some... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published June 16, 2005

    It had been a long week, and by Friday, several members of the Institute of Drinking Studies were looking forward to what would prove a... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published June 9, 2005

    Before we went to see the latest Star Wars installment last Sunday, we held our own geek convention at Benny's Restaurant (301 East... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published June 2, 2005

    The Institute of Drinking Studies would like to congratulate Westword on the best cover we've seen since we started dragging down the... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published May 26, 2005

    It's bad enough when a few members of the Institute of Drinking Studies get together -- fewer than five representatives is known as a "troubling"... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published May 19, 2005

    The telltale signs are back: big, formal envelopes in mailboxes and big, blank stares on women carrying bridal magazines that have more pages than... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published May 12, 2005

    America took a step past the point of no return in 1968, when it began airing personal-hygiene product commercials on TV. Suddenly we were... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published May 5, 2005

    From the thirteenth through the sixteenth century, the monarchs of England and Scotland held sway over their respective lands -- but in the hill... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published April 28, 2005

    Renewal is sweeping Cherry Creek, and I highly recommend that you check it out. Of course, you may not be able to do so, because the wait for... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published April 21, 2005

    Families are odd things. You grow up together, then once you develop judgment, you realize that you hate these people because they tortured you by... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published April 14, 2005

    Nobody likes to admit defeat -- especially not a member of the Institute of Drinking Studies. We pride ourselves on being able to enjoy any bar,... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published April 7, 2005

    Technology is a wonderful thing, as you guys who have seen TV's greatest commercial or whose girlfriends get the Victoria's Secret catalogue... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published March 31, 2005

    I have a new bar to add to my list of favorites, and I owe it all to my favorite Scotswoman, Julie Docherty. It's somewhat surprising that I... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published March 17, 2005

    As a member of a very Irish and Catholic family, I look forward to St. Patrick's Day as much as I do Christmas. Since I first convinced someone to... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published March 10, 2005

    Sometimes things happen that you just can't explain. American Idol is a success, and William Hung and other contestants have never taken... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published March 3, 2005

    Although every person from sun-intensive states like Texas or Florida thinks he not only knows how to drive in the snow, but knows how to ski... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published February 24, 2005

    As all good Catholics know -- as do those who are not good, but are well-versed in church law after spending several years finding loopholes in it... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published February 17, 2005

    Sorry, ladies, but we guys can't help how we are. We can't help it that the outfit we wore on that first date doesn't hold a prominent place in... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published February 10, 2005

    Do you believe in miracles? The continued marketing of Zima and of Aspen low-carb "beer" certainly qualify. So does having a clear conscience... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published February 3, 2005

    Patrick Lawler should be awarded the Nobel Prize for medicine. For those of you who live in a cellar or are purists who won't watch anything on a... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published January 27, 2005

    There's no doubt in my mind that God created beer. How else can you explain many of the world's greatest accomplishments? Without beer, we... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published January 20, 2005

    Every once in a while you find yourself sitting on your couch at nine at night with a couple of guys, and you realize that you're all too drunk to... More >>

  • Drunk of the Week

    published January 13, 2005

    I never liked CHiPs, the cop show with Erik Estrada and that dumb blond guy. As you may recall, it featured high-speed chases, spectacular... More >>

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