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2000 Stories by Robert Wilonsky

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  • Blow Up the Box

    published December 28, 2000

    Thank God for old Jews with shaky hands and the inability to tell this word (G-O-R-E) from this one (B-U-C-H-A-N-A-N). Without them -- and... More >>

  • Twisp of the Tale

    published December 21, 2000

    Contained within a care package sent by C.D. Payne is a self-penned press release introducing the author as "the Rodney Dangerfield of comic... More >>

  • Broken and Battered

    published December 14, 2000

    Fair warning: Enough time has passed that it's okay to discuss the ending of writer-director M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable. Those who've... More >>

  • Mel Sells Out

    published December 14, 2000

    What Women Want could be the first movie to win a Clio Award for Advertisement of the Year. No fewer than two dozen products receive... More >>

  • Bless the Blockhead

    published December 7, 2000

    Christmastime is here, but for the first time, Charlie Brown's father will not be around to watch his depressed, round-headed child celebrate the... More >>

  • Held Hostage

    published December 7, 2000

    Day 1: It was just part of the job, just another movie on another afternoon. This one promised to be no more special than any other, save... More >>

  • Ransom Notes

    published November 9, 2000

    No one likes to be seen as the roadblock to a revolution. The unfortunate soul--or the dumb bastard--who chooses to impede progress is likely to... More >>

  • What, Them Worry?

    published November 2, 2000

    Let's get this out of the way right now, because so many of you will find this hard to believe: Yes, Mad magazine still exists. It is still... More >>

  • Farrah to Poor

    published November 2, 2000

    The opening credits of Charlie¹s Angels hint at a movie that never appears in the film's expurgated 94 minutes. The Mission:... More >>

  • The Man of Ink

    published October 26, 2000

    Before others could reject him, Michael Chabon had convinced himself no one wanted to read an epic novel about comic-book creators, mythical... More >>

  • The Man of Many Face

    published October 19, 2000

    It has often been written of Chris Guest--or, if you prefer, Fifth Baron Christopher Haden-Guest, son of diplomat Peter Haden-Guest, who could... More >>

  • "Look I Made This!"

    published October 12, 2000

    A cold breeze blows through an open window, and a football game silently unfolds on the television screen. The old man sitting on the couch... More >>

  • The Dr. Is In, Out, In, Out...

    published October 12, 2000

    Richard Gere, as Dallas gynecologist Sullivan Travis, has never been more likable onscreen, perhaps because he's never been more human, more... More >>

  • Rock and a Hard Place

    published October 5, 2000

    John Wesley Hall believes justice is a myth taught in classrooms, a fable found in law books, as imaginary as the unicorn and the mermaid. The... More >>

  • Sagging Bull

    published October 5, 2000

    Meet the Parents has just enough class to make for Prestige Pop: Robert De Niro as star, Randy Newman as composer, Blythe Danner as... More >>

  • No Score

    published September 28, 2000

    Based on the true story of how a football team brought together the segregated town of Alexandria, Virginia, in the early 1970s, Remember... More >>

  • Almost Famous

    published September 21, 2000

    At first, you don't want to admit it, because it seems somehow wrong--just too easy. After all, the woman on the other end of the phone line is... More >>

  • Listen to the Movie

    published September 21, 2000

    This song explains why I'm leaving home and becoming a stewardess," says Anita Miller (Zooey Deschanel) to her well-meaning, overbearing mother as... More >>

  • A Fan's Notes

    published September 14, 2000

    Almost Famous is the movie Cameron Crowe always wanted to make--and the movie he tried to keep from making as long as he could. The... More >>

  • School's Out

    published September 7, 2000

    A month ago, R.J. Cutler thought he found a home for his child, one that would coddle and nurture his baby until it was ready to stand on its own... More >>

  • The Bagmen Cometh

    published September 7, 2000

    Here's the beginning of The Way of the Gun that you will not see, because it was written but never filmed: Two men, Parker and... More >>

  • Write and Wrong

    published August 31, 2000

    Success is relative in Hollywood, like a third cousin twice-removed who doesn't recognize you at family reunions, and doesn't care to. Fame is so... More >>

  • The Bit Player

    published August 24, 2000

    "I'm not the celebrity type," says Vincent D'Onofrio, and he does not lie. His is a household name in very few neighborhoods; it appears in film... More >>

  • Hot Wheels

    published August 17, 2000

    I have never read The Odyssey, A Tale of Two Cities, Pride and Prejudice, or, for that matter, the Bible. But I have read,... More >>

  • Born Again?

    published August 10, 2000

    "Please hold for Tammy Faye." The few seconds between those words and those that follow, uttered by the woman who once haunted pay-to-pray TV... More >>

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