Best lampshade salesperson (2000)
Lynda Ferris, Lampshade Gallery
The best life is one in which you never have to worry about a lampshade. Ideally, your lampshade blends unobtrusively into the atmosphere, invisible in its pure functionality. That is, until one too many moves leaves it hanging from its frame, held together by Scotch tape, or a particularly acrobatic cat makes its indelible mark on what had heretofore been some inconsequential piece of fabric. Now just try to replace that lampshade. Go ahead: Go to Kmart and pick up a suitable replacement. Lampshades aren't cheap, you'll quickly find out; even more frustrating is that they're all sorts of befuddling shapes and sizes -- how do you know which one is right? You just need a lampshade, for God's sake. The people at Lampshade Gallery in Wheat Ridge implore you to bring in your lamp, and when you get there, you'll see why that's so important: Lynda Ferris, a former hairdresser, will cure your room's beauty needs, but she needs to work with the lamp. Discern its unique lines and colors. Talk with you about its role in your life. Point out that, really, "the most fun you'll ever have" is picking out a finial -- the little knob that goes at the top, which can truly complete a room. And those brief moments with Lynda are the most fun you've ever had...finding a lampshade, at least. You may leave poorer, but you'll be a richer person for it.