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Best Of :: Sports & Recreation

Best Day Trips for Dogs

Aw, go take a hike! For a mournful pooch accustomed to being locked up all day with nothing to keep him company but destructible furniture, the context is anything but negative. After all, what hound wouldn't rather go for a walk? Save your sofa: Denver Hound Hikers provides various dog-walking services, from a standard midday fifteen-minute walk around the block or dog-park visit to the more rigorous two-hour "Hound Hike," a supervised outdoor excursion with everything provided (water, snack, towels, cleanup). And just so you know Fido's been having a great time, every Hound Hikers package includes a personalized, Internet-accessible Doggie Diary and digital photo of your four-legged friend having the time of his or her life. It's the paws that refreshes your pooch.

Best New Slogan for CU Buffs

Just as Governor Bill "Sparky" Owens was able to turn the fearsome 2002 wildfire season into a national promotion for Centennial State s'mores, surely the University of Colorado and its spin-meisters can capitalize on all of the national press over the recruiting-party sex-assault scandal. Boulder's already given a whole new meaning to the term "student body " -- why not make it part of the Buffs' randy brand?


Best New Slogan for CU Buffs

Just as Governor Bill "Sparky" Owens was able to turn the fearsome 2002 wildfire season into a national promotion for Centennial State s'mores, surely the University of Colorado and its spin-meisters can capitalize on all of the national press over the recruiting-party sex-assault scandal. Boulder's already given a whole new meaning to the term "student body " -- why not make it part of the Buffs' randy brand?

Best Next Career for John Elway

We really, really want John to do well at something. Anything, really. After all, he's our icon, our stainless hero. So it'd be nice to have him around for a while longer -- at least until someone better comes along. The problem is figuring out what, exactly, he's good at. He can't start a successful new business (see ya, MVP.com). He's not that good at interpersonal relationships (buh-bye, Janet). He's a better-than-average duffer, but nowhere near professional caliber. In fact, being a retired Elway is not unlike being a retired politician: Everything he's done before has prepared him for nothing after. Our advice? Stick to the two things you know and accept a high-level position with Broncos boss Pat Bowlen: special assistant in charge of acquiring team cars.


Best Next Career for John Elway

We really, really want John to do well at something. Anything, really. After all, he's our icon, our stainless hero. So it'd be nice to have him around for a while longer -- at least until someone better comes along. The problem is figuring out what, exactly, he's good at. He can't start a successful new business (see ya, MVP.com). He's not that good at interpersonal relationships (buh-bye, Janet). He's a better-than-average duffer, but nowhere near professional caliber. In fact, being a retired Elway is not unlike being a retired politician: Everything he's done before has prepared him for nothing after. Our advice? Stick to the two things you know and accept a high-level position with Broncos boss Pat Bowlen: special assistant in charge of acquiring team cars.

Best Next Career for Gary Barnett
Custodian of the primate house, Denver Zoo
Christopher Smith

Yes, yes, we know. Not all of the evidence has been collected and analyzed. The strippers have not laid their souls bare. The bills from the liquor store are still coming in. And the regents have not yet admitted that they, too, smoked a little dope in their undergraduate days. Nonetheless, the recruiting, rape and party scandal that has shaken the University of Colorado football program to its foundation has yielded one incontrovertible fact: Whether he was an enabler or not, whether he endorsed the late-night frolicking or he didn't, head football coach Gary Barnett made little effort to grasp what was going on or not going on with his players. And that makes him an ideal guy for a new career mopping out the monkey cages at the zoo. You know: Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.


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Best Day Trips for Dogs: Denver Hound Hikers

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