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Best Of 2004

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Best Of :: Sports & Recreation

Best Kids' Swimming Parties
Golden Community Center

The Golden Community Center's got it all under one roof: a six-lane lap pool, a therapy pool and an awesome kids' pool designed to provide a great swimming experience for all, regardless of age or level of water wisdom. Babies in swim diapers are in their element in gradually graded shallows that mimic the seashore, while older kids can romp through everything from fountains and waterfalls to a challenging floating bridge and a gigantic, 150-foot water slide. But the GCC really makes a splash with its birthday parties. Packages include all of the above plus a large private party room. And because everything's indoors, the parties are perfect in any season.

1470 10th St., Denver, 80218
MAP
303-384-8100
Best New Slogan for CU Buffs

Just as Governor Bill "Sparky" Owens was able to turn the fearsome 2002 wildfire season into a national promotion for Centennial State s'mores, surely the University of Colorado and its spin-meisters can capitalize on all of the national press over the recruiting-party sex-assault scandal. Boulder's already given a whole new meaning to the term "student body " -- why not make it part of the Buffs' randy brand?


Best New Slogan for CU Buffs

Just as Governor Bill "Sparky" Owens was able to turn the fearsome 2002 wildfire season into a national promotion for Centennial State s'mores, surely the University of Colorado and its spin-meisters can capitalize on all of the national press over the recruiting-party sex-assault scandal. Boulder's already given a whole new meaning to the term "student body " -- why not make it part of the Buffs' randy brand?

Best Next Career for John Elway

We really, really want John to do well at something. Anything, really. After all, he's our icon, our stainless hero. So it'd be nice to have him around for a while longer -- at least until someone better comes along. The problem is figuring out what, exactly, he's good at. He can't start a successful new business (see ya, MVP.com). He's not that good at interpersonal relationships (buh-bye, Janet). He's a better-than-average duffer, but nowhere near professional caliber. In fact, being a retired Elway is not unlike being a retired politician: Everything he's done before has prepared him for nothing after. Our advice? Stick to the two things you know and accept a high-level position with Broncos boss Pat Bowlen: special assistant in charge of acquiring team cars.


Best Next Career for John Elway

We really, really want John to do well at something. Anything, really. After all, he's our icon, our stainless hero. So it'd be nice to have him around for a while longer -- at least until someone better comes along. The problem is figuring out what, exactly, he's good at. He can't start a successful new business (see ya, MVP.com). He's not that good at interpersonal relationships (buh-bye, Janet). He's a better-than-average duffer, but nowhere near professional caliber. In fact, being a retired Elway is not unlike being a retired politician: Everything he's done before has prepared him for nothing after. Our advice? Stick to the two things you know and accept a high-level position with Broncos boss Pat Bowlen: special assistant in charge of acquiring team cars.

Best Next Career for Gary Barnett
Custodian of the primate house, Denver Zoo
Photo by Christopher Smith

Yes, yes, we know. Not all of the evidence has been collected and analyzed. The strippers have not laid their souls bare. The bills from the liquor store are still coming in. And the regents have not yet admitted that they, too, smoked a little dope in their undergraduate days. Nonetheless, the recruiting, rape and party scandal that has shaken the University of Colorado football program to its foundation has yielded one incontrovertible fact: Whether he was an enabler or not, whether he endorsed the late-night frolicking or he didn't, head football coach Gary Barnett made little effort to grasp what was going on or not going on with his players. And that makes him an ideal guy for a new career mopping out the monkey cages at the zoo. You know: Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.


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Best Kids' Swimming Parties: Golden Community Center

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