Denver International Airport has inspired many fine conspiracy theories — that it's a creation of the New World Order, that there are Martians living underground — but none as uplifting as the one exposed on The Colbert Report this fall. According to William Tapley, who calls himself both "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse" and "Co-Prophet of the End Times," DIA is full of phallic symbols — not surprising, since it's designed to look like a giant penis. We don't even want to think what role the new South Terminal will play in that scenario....