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Bad Santas

What makes a better Christmas movie: a sorority girl stabbed to death with a holiday ornament, or Santa kidnapped and sent to Mars? Thanks to those crazy cats at the Esquire Theater, you don't have to choose. The theater's Midnight Madness this weekend includes screenings of Black Christmas (the original 1974 film, not the even shittier 2006 remake) and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians during Santa's Cool Holiday Film Festival.

Either movie is a stellar choice for loads of merry mayhem, and since both regularly pop up on damn near every list of worst movies ever made, seeing them in the same weekend is like the gift that keeps on giving. The Martian flick casts an eerie-looking eight-year-old Pia Zadora and Margot Kidder as "Barb," while Black Christmas has one of the most tremendous one-liners ever: "There's a certain species of turtle that can screw for three days without stopping. You don't believe me, do you? Well, I mean, how could I make something like that up?"

Santa's Cool Holiday Film Festival rolls out at the Esquire Theatre, 590 Downing Street, today and tomorrow at midnight and tomorrow and Sunday at noon. Tickets are $8 to $10.50 general, $7.50 for matinees. For more information, check out
Dec. 16-18, 2011


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