The Lord notwithstanding, there were a couple of awesome things about growing up in the Calvinist parochial school system. JK — there was... More >>

Back in the days before MTV nailed down the formula of finding the worst assholes of any given demographic and putting them on television —... More >>

Certain liberals will try to tell you that Europeans are more cultured than Americans, that Europeans are refined people who sip tea in fancy... More >>

There is no escape from the slow and inscrutable march of time. The passing of the seasons, the withering of these corporeal chains, the... More >>

The 1997 Detroit Red Wings post-season was an awesome thing to behold for a fifteen-year-old in West Michigan. That's when the Wings shut out the... More >>

In spite of his being just a wee tiny baby, my nine-month-old son has some surprisingly powerful pinchy-claws. In fact, combined with his baby... More >>

It was 1984 when the most METAL band of all time (Manowar, obviously) delivered the loudest documented show ever played. Clocking in at a max of... More >>

Comes a time in every man's life when he must reckon with the fact that he's become old and crotchety. For me, that day actually came at about... More >>

The American Idol model of pop-star selection is obnoxious for a variety of reasons — the regular televising of Steven Tyler's grotesque... More >>

A few years ago, I was so offensive that there was a protest against me. Like, literally. I was an editor at my college paper, and for our (still... More >>