Dear Gabacho: COPS is hardly as credible a source in documenting the Mexican criminal mente as, say, Dora the Explorer. Not only do I rarely see high-speed chases involving Mexicans on the FOX program, but stats are also not kept pertaining to ethnicity and police pursuits. What bean-counters do know, however, is that foreign-born Mexican men are less prone to visit the slammer than your local Minuteman Project chapter will have you believe. A 2006 study led by University of California professor Rubén G. Rumbaut found that only .7 percent of Mexican-born males in the United States were incarcerated, a figure more than twice as small as the 1.71 percent amount for gabachos. But not all is right in Aztlán: Rumbaut's findings also revealed that 5.9 percent of U.S.-born wabs are in the pokey. Why? Billions have been spent researching that question, so the Mexican won't bother with his thoughts except to add that it ain't something inherently criminal in the Mexican soul — again, look at the jail rates for Mexican immigrants. Sorry, but if you want jokes to accompany unfunny Mexican pathologies, go yuk at Carlos Mencia.
Dear Mexican: I'm in love with a Mexican man who's very traditional in his beliefs. He has already given me a blue rose, which I will treasure forever. What can I do to show him that I have the same feelings for him? I've researched the traditions and am finding only things that the man can do for the woman. Does the Mexican woman not have any traditions in displaying her love?
His Spanish Eyes
Dear Gabacha: Of course our mujeres have traditions to show their affection for an hombre: wonderful meals, a kind heart and knowing their way around the ol' chorizo.