Too much toasting to a great, great man can get you wicked hungover, so fortunately, Tuesday's celebration will be pretty low-key. Indubitably, it's Thesaurus Day, that morrow in commemoration of the birth of Peter Roget, author of the first thesaurus, upon which one summons the pronouncement of confabulation abounding with which to exasperate one's compatriots. That, and boozing.
Wednesday is National Popcorn Day, which is convenient, because that's the only food you budget after drinking affords you to eat, anyway. Still, it seems a little unfair, considering popcorn also has an entire month dedicated to it in October. Still, you can't have too much popcorn, I guess, and food is usually good for warding off the hallucinations.
Speaking of which, that troubling penguin that keeps appearing in the darkest corner of the room in the wee hours of the morning and trying to get you to feed it hate will give you a reason to celebrate on Thursday, which is Penguin Awareness Day -- as if you weren't aware of him already. Maybe you guys can knock back a few and talk old times.
And the animal-related celebration won't end there. Friday provides a brisk followup with Squirrel Appreciation day, so maybe feed those little guys some popcorn instead of yelling crazily at them next time you wake up in the park and they're trying to eat your coat.
In fact, throw that damn popcorn away, because Sunday is National Pie Day -- feed yourself a decent meal for once. You're sick of eating that fucking popcorn anyway.
