Dear Stoner: I’ve been trying to get a new job, so I use CBD when I can’t smoke weed. Last time I was tested, though, they found THC, even after using a detox that worked for my male friends, but not for me. How can I get this out of my system?
Dear Maria: Stop smoking weed, for one. While I do think testing for THC in any workplace is bullshit, especially in a state that has legalized cannabis, sometimes you have to play along. If you depend on cannabis for a debilitating medical reason and CBD is essential for a decent quality of life, then I get it — and fuck that employer. But if going without for thirty days only hurts because you’re bored, then buck up. Most professions only require the initial test, anyway. It may not be right, but your livelihood is important.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
But remember, consuming hemp-derived CBD shouldn’t make you fail a drug test, because the only cannabinoid it tests for is THC. CBD from hemp is derived from plants with 0.3 percent THC or less, so you would have to consume 1,000 to 2,000 milligrams of CBD concentrate per day to even have a minuscule chance of failing a urine test. Just stay away from CBD products at dispensaries — they’re generally made from high-CBD strains with some THC left in them — and you should be fine. If that doesn’t work, buy some synthetic piss from a head shop and keep it warm until test time.
Have a question for our Stoner? E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.