The Drug Enforcement Administration recently terrified parents with this tweet: "Find out where your kids hide drugs," with a link to a page on GetSmartAboutDrugs.gov, a DEA-produced site designed specifically for parents, educators and caregivers. This particular page, titled Hiding Places, lists spots that people should look if they think kids might be smoking marijuana.
Here are those suspicious spots:
1. Alarm Clocks
Because they're a common item to have in a kids' room, the DEA site says parents should look inside the battery hatch for baggies of bud.
2. Candy Containers and/or Wrappers
Drugs can be camouflaged inside of empty containers that once contained candy. This is a clever hiding place because "a lot of the edible drugs — such as ecstasy or some of the marijuana edibles — look like candy anyway," according to the DEA.
3. Car Interior
Nothing will make parents regret giving a teen his own car more than discovering the car is serving as a major stash box. Since searching an entire car is quite an undertaking, the DEA offers a few helpful suggestions of where to start, including inside the glove compartment, on the bottom of the seats, behind the steering wheel and in the trunk.
4. Game Consoles
Think your kids are spending too much time playing video games? The DEA gives you another reason to be concerned: They could be hiding weed in the console. "PlayStation, Wii, Xboxes — all of them have small spaces where teens could hide drugs," the site notes.
5. Graphing Calculator
Is your teen staying up nights doing algebra or calculus? It's obviously because there's pot in the calculator. As with alarm clocks, the battery compartment of a calculator can hide tiny bags of weed.
6. Heating Vent
The DEA thinks heating vents are a good spot to hide weed, but we disagree: When the heat is on, wouldn't it melt the plastic bag? Even if the bag survives, we're pretty sure the heat would ruin the weed. This entry just shows that no one who wrote this list actually tried to hide pot when they were young.
If only we had all been this smart when we were kids. Apparently ingenious young people have figured out that they can store pot inside the tube of a highlighter pen, and the cap hides the smell. Seriously, that's a great idea.
If you crunch up your weed enough, you can tape it behind the posters in your bedroom. At least, that's what the DEA says kids are doing in bedrooms across the nation. "You might want to run your fingers over that poster in his or her bedroom," the website alerts parents.
Okay, ew. The DEA thinks teenagers are storing their marijuana in the toes of their shoes. Unless all of a teen's shoes are at least half a size too big, how does that even work? And what happens when they walk downstairs? Automatic grinder.
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10. Teddy Bears
Although kids have always hidden things in their stuffed animals, a suspicious parent has to be careful checking for pot: Once you slice into a stuffed animal, there's no turning back. It's one thing to run your fingers along a poster, but decapitating a teddy bear crosses the line.