45 Second Reviews: Hawk Nelson, Moby, Van Morrison, Your Vegas
Hawk Nelson is My Friend
01:30-02:15 of “Friend Like That”
Every once and a while I’ll listen to some of my old pop-punk records – that is when my upstairs neighbors aren’t already blaring Bad Religion and the Descendents. For me, it’s a reminder of my youth; it makes me feel young and useful again, like I could really change the world. I assume that 18 year olds will look back on this record and think the same thing. If you’re an over-18 fan you might want to consider latching on to some of the “old-school” groups so that you have street-cred at the temp agency.
01:02-01:47 of “I Love to Move in Here”
First and foremost I feel that I have to state a fact: I like electronic music, whether it be dance or experiment, dub or disco. That said, “I Love to Move in Here” is one of the most boring, pathetic excuses for a song I’ve ever heard in my life. I could have churned this out naked on the toilet while eating salmon and solving puzzles with my eyes closed.
Keep it Simple
00:00-00:45 of “Soul”
Sometimes old-timers will still kick you in the balls with a great record out of nowhere – look at Neil Diamond and Johnny Cash. But Van Morrison doesn’t do that. In fact, “Soul” sounds more like the drunken ramblings of some weird old man performing at a rodeo or town fair. Maybe someone should let Rick Rubin know that if he wants to resurrect a career he might find a challenge in Van.
A Town of Two Cities
Universal Republic Records
02:00-02:45 “Up Until the Lights Go Out”
One of rock’s biggest travesties – its largest, pull-the-shades-down, hide-the-truth bands is U2. Nobody actually likes U2. If you say you like U2 it’s only because you think that they are “indie” or “original” and you want to look cool. Your Vegas sounds like U2, which makes them about as good and fun as I remember my last trip to Vegas being.
- Thorin Klosowski
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