45-Second Reviews: Obi Best, Bart Millard, Stereolab, Shwayze
02:00-02:45 of “Nothing Can Come Between Us”: When I first saw this cover and name, I was really, really hoping that it was going to be a sort of Star Wars meets Feist sort of thing. Unfortunately, it’s just a Feist meets Feist kind of deal. I mean, she didn’t invent it, but Apple sure blew it away. Too bad: “1-2-3-4, Obi-Wan and Yoda score, 5-6-7-8, Darth Vader learns to enunciate” would have been sweet.
00:00-00:45 of “I Saw the Light”: What the hell kind of good Christian family gives their child a name like Bart Millard? Listen, I know we have a friend in Jesus and all, so can’t you ask him to time travel back to the moment you popped out of yer mama and give you a name change? Maybe switch up your label’s name while you’re at it, too. I mean, “simple” means a couple of different things.
00:45-01:30 of “Three Women”: My goodness, if there was one band I could track down, wrap up, shrink and then put in a tiny little musical box it would be Stereolab. It’s like they’ve been filled with adorability molecules that just explode everywhere when they play a song.
01:00-01:45 of “Don’t be Shy” : If one was to combine summer anthem bands like Smashmouth and perhaps Outkast into one smoothie, you’d end up with the worst band of all time, Shwayze. Congratulations, Shwayze: ot only is your name stupid, your jams are not worthy of a deaf fourteen-year-old on a roller coaster. --Thorin Klosowski
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