A letter to Weezy F. Baby: Welcome back!
Lil Wayne (aka Lil Tunechi, Weezy, Bird Man Jr., Mr. Carter) --
Thank god you're finally free! It has felt like a decade has passed in the pop world since you've been at Rikers. The Black Eyed Peas/Will.I.Am reign of Billboard terror has continued, most recently enveloping one of your own.
And Nicki Minaj: I feel like without your direct guidance, she has let her biggest asset -- her sick flow -- fall by the wayside ("Check It Out" should bore the shit out of you, if you haven't heard the single already on your not-for-jail-usage iPod). Maybe it's just me, but "Right Through Me," the following single from Pink Friday, has nothing on old tracks like "The Jump Off."
Hopefully the album will sell and at least yield a tour. I know live is when she really shines. Regardless, Nicki's doing great, I suppose, judging by her Twitter account, anyway. Recently, word got out that Nicki fired Diddy, her acting manager -- but so far, it is just a rumor. A fourth manager might be what she needs, but it is definitely something you should weigh in on.
Anyway, how are you? I've been keeping up on your contraband situation. Sounds like the guards just didn't understand that a dude like you can't possibly survive without weed and music. You're Lil Wayne -- you've got to stay on your grind. If anything, hopefully the time has given you a chance to write Tha Carter IV. We Are Young Money got us through to I Am Not A Human Being, which is good ("Gonorrhea" is a favorite), but those records were just to tide us over. I know there's more hiding somewhere.
Drake's been holding down the Young Money fortress since you went in (and I'm hoping
he has been consulting Birdman with big decisions, at least.) By all accounts, he's good.
He played here a few nights ago with Tyga. Luckily, Kanye West's latest scheme to get us believe he's larger than Jesus -- wait until you see all 34 and a half minutes of "Runaway." What a snooze -- has kept the attention off of Drake's ego long enough to keep it from imploding on itself, but its been a rough road.
Drake knows all he has to do to sell records is look at women, and I thought for a moment we were going to lose him to Sprite commercials and Kodak spots with Pitbull and Trey Songz (who I personally don't think is a great influence on Drizzy to begin with. He's a slimy one.) But I'm happy to report Drake's recently collaborated with Bun B, so he's rooted. You've got nothing to worry about.
Other than that, I think you'll find that the amount of actual rapping happening on radio-friendly tracks has dwindled once again -- save for Eminem whining here and there and the occasional B.O.B. pacifier, there hasn't been anything like Tha Carter III -- meaning, welcome back, Weezy. I hope you spent your entire sentence never having to hear Snoop Dogg's verse on Katy Perry's "California Gurls." (He rhymes zucchinis with weenies. It is embarrassing.) We've missed your pleasant growl and penchant for pussy and weed. Time to get back to business.
-- Much love
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