And now, presenting thirty craptastic minutes with thirty different iPhone band apps
Sometimes we have to wonder if folks that program for Apple's App Store are hell-bent on wasting people's time. We spent an evening with as many artist-specific iPhone apps we could get our hands on and found a few amazing things, a few interesting things and a plethora of pure and total crap.
We're convinced people will buy or download anything with their favorite band name in the title, and to prove it, we subjected ourselves to what usually turned out to be glorified search engines for people who can't figure out how to use YouTube or Google on their magic phone. Either way, 99 percent of the band-apps in the App Store end up being glorified press releases, complete with links to Twitter and Facebook fan pages.
Muse: For $2.99 you'd expect to get more than all the crap you get from the free apps. But you know what? You can change the app skins! That's definitely worth the $2.99.
Theory of a Deadman: Our theory is that no has ever actually downloaded this app but us.
New Boyz: It's not so much a game as it is a chance to touch the screen and make something happen. It's about as interesting as a New Boyz song.
Rob Thomas Fanbase: This app has been reviewed by a total of eleven people. Can you believe there are eleven Rob Thomas fans?
I Am T-Pain : Um. This is so last year.
LMK Series (Lady Gaga, Avril Lavigne, Beyonce, etc): These are the foundation for every boring ass, worthless download in the store. Twitter links, Facebook, photos, blah blah blah. Did you know you have the internet on your iPhone? Wow!
Taylor Swift : Rumor has it Kanye has introduced a bug to make this crash every thirty seconds.
Kenny Chesney: The logo for this thing looks like a Crystal Method album cover, but the user interface looks like a Jimmy Buffett wet dream.
Azkira Fan Club: Build specifically so you can connect with the other Azkira fan in the world.
FLP: You know those hilarious Photoshop jobs that local rappers give their albums to add bling? That's what this app looks like. Without the bling.
NIN: Ghosts I-IV REMIX: Leave it to Trent Reznor to provide one of the best apps on this list. We get full songs, all of them well done and real, actual songs. Thanks, Trent.
Radagun: What's a Radagun exactly? Is that some new gun in Halo?
Madonna : Stock iPhone app developed by a team of monkeys. Thanks, Madonna, for innovating.
Nick Howard: Who the hell is Nick Howard?
Alexisonfire : Holy crap, this sucker has twitter, photos and news updates. Hey record labels? This is how you revolutionize the music industry, by offering a free app with total crap.
Collective Soul: We didn't know Collective Soul was a band still. That's cool, we guess. Maybe they'll play in our basement.
Dave Matthews Band: You can order T-shirts and chat with friends in your area. We might suggest ordering a T-shirt and talking to someone else with a T-shirt, then moving to an island.
Soulja Boy Tell Em TV: Warning: There are stupid "behind the scenes" videos inside this app. Avoid at all costs.
Rise Against: Stock app. We're going to rise against the wasting of our time. Sorry, that's the best we could come up with.
Snow Patrol Interactive Booklet: This is an interesting way to supplement an album. It's not exactly revolutionary, but it's certainly a good start to making the iPhone a tool for experiencing an album.
Wilco : Hey, Wilco? This app sucks.
Pussycat Dolls TV: We're starting to think all these apps have the same format. This one is no different. Also, we thought it would have live video of the Pussycat Dolls having pillow fights.
Santana : Don't worry. Carlos himself will teach you how to play "Oye Como Va." Whatever that means.
Kottonmouth Kings: We're pretty sure Kottonmouth Kings fans don't have iPhones.
Live Metallica : Hey, Metallica fans! Hello? Hello? Hey this is pretty cool. Is anyone out there? Anyway, tons of live footage and songs ranging from 1982-2003 all for 99 cents. That is, if there are any Metallica fans left to buy this.
George Strait: Holy crap! A biography! We couldn't find this information anywhere!
311: 311 is still a band? Maybe they can open for Collective Soul in our basement.
Young Jeezy: We get mixes and songs on this one, as well as the usual links to social networking crap. Yeah. It's about as interesting as a Young Jeezy song.
TobyMac: We always thought TobyMac was country music for some reason. Why does he look like he's in U2 on the picture of this app?
Crystal Method: Yet again, we get links to Twitter, a Facebook wall page link, biographies, all that. Gee whiz, this is about as revolutionary as the damn Crystal Method song that's stuck in our heads every time we watch House.
Kiss: Videos, pictures and links to buy songs. This Kiss app is about as helpful as listening to a Kiss album to fall asleep.
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