Another man gave my girl flowers on Valentine's Day: Am I right to be bothered by this?
Welcome to Ask Willie D, where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Dear Willie D,
I'm a newly single divorcée with lots of time and money on my hands. After dating and catering to the same man for two years and being married to him for five years, now it's all about me. I got to keep the house. Because it's so extravagant and spacious it's perfect for parties, and I host some of the best parties in town. Sometimes my events can get a little wild.
At my last party my sister-in-law and I got into a big fight because I was in my room kissing a guy friend of mine. She took exception to me having just divorced her brother and kissing my friend in the same room that I once shared with her brother.
I don't understand. Since she has never liked me, she should be grateful that I've moved on. A mutual friend of ours is hosting an annual event in a few days, and I'm thinking about crashing it with another guy who I know will make her skin crawl. He is a real stud. What are your thoughts on my plans? Do you think I'm being childish?
Dear Loving Orange County,
You're not being childish; you're being reckless. Inviting the sister of your brand new ex-husband to your house and letting her see you kiss another man is borderline psychotic. The emotional remnants of divorce or any type of relationship where people decide to go their separate ways should be handled with extreme care and consideration for all parties involved. This is bigger than a catfight with your mad sister-in-law. Even if you despise your ex-husband, you should be considerate of his feelings. How would you like it if he flaunted his new girlfriend in front of your family members and friends?
Nobody likes to be made a fool of, and some of the sanest people have been known to do the most insane things when put in that position. You don't have to be lonely, but put some time between your divorce and being on the scene with a new guy. I can appreciate you living life to the fullest, but do it with class. It would prove to both your sister-in-law and ex-husband that he let a good one get away.
ANOTHER MAN GAVE MY GIRL FLOWERS
Dear Willie D,
This happened some time ago, but it's been bothering me. I dropped in on my girlfriend at work two days after Valentine's Day and saw a vase filled with a dozen red roses on her desk. When I inquired about them she said a male co-worker gave them to her. When I asked why, she said it was because all the other women were receiving flowers on Valentine's Day. When he noticed she didn't have any, he had some delivered.
The co-worker is a douche. I know he likes her because he's always making excuses to talk to her on the phone about work. When I told her that I didn't want some other dude sending my girl flowers, she turned the tables and became upset with me. She said if I had did what I was supposed to do, he would have never bought the flowers.
I don't know what she means by doing what I was supposed to do, since I didn't tell her I was sending flowers. I'm also currently unemployed, so I don't really have the money to splurge like that.
I know women expect things for Valentine's Day, but I cooked for her at home and gave her a card. She never indicated that there was a problem. I told her I don't trust the guy, so she knows how I feel. Is it just me or am I right to not want another man sending my girl flowers?
Dear Unemployed Lover,
It's not just you. Most men would have a problem with another man sending his girl flowers, especially on Valentine's Day. When you told your girlfriend you didn't trust her co-worker, that was her cue to distance herself from him socially and put you at ease about them working together. Instead she poured gasoline on a micro-flame and created a wildfire.
Your girlfriend turning the tables is an old blame-the-victim strategy that the guilty use to minimize responsibility. She could benefit from a few courses in girlfriend etiquette. In my opinion, floral arrangements are cool but there's no adventure in them. Even if you weren't unemployed, I think what you did by cooking for your girl was a far better gift because it was personal, and it took more effort.
Assuming you guys can put this behind you, going forward, your girl needs to know that it's disrespectful to accept flowers on Valentine's Day from anybody other than her man, or father, or brother, or someone like that. And you need to know what your girl's love language is. Some women respond favorably to touching. For others, it might be words of affirmation or quality time. Apparently, your girl's love language is gifts; so next time, just buy the damn flowers, man.
MY FRIEND SMOKES JOINTS WITH HER FATHER
Dear Willie D,
There seems to be a new phenomenon going on in America where young adults are smoking weed with their mother, father or both. What is this world coming to? I know several people who get high with their parents. My friend smokes weed with her dad. Although she's a 22-year old woman, I find that wrong on so many levels.
When I questioned her about it, she justified her actions by saying Wiz Khalifa smokes weed with his mother. Really? I ragged on her for being a follower.
Like rockers, rappers are entertainers and most of them are just portraying an image to make money. She says her dad is her best friend, and she can talk to him about anything. Still, in my opinion, something has to be amiss with a man who thinks it's okay to smoke weed with his daughter.
Don't you think if he's going to get high, there should be some sort of discretion on his behalf?
Many of today's parents don't have any gumption as to what they say and do in the presence of their kids because they want to be their children's friend not parent, or they just don't care. Your friend's justification of her actions because Wiz Khalifa smokes weed with his mother tells me she doesn't think with her own brain. If Wiz Khalifa put a gun to his head and squeezed the trigger would she do that too?
Oftentimes, when people can't reasonably justify their actions, they deflect accountability and blame others. I know parents who smoke weed and some have children who smoke weed but they don't do it together. Maybe I'm old-fashioned but to me, getting high with your parents is like standing up in church while the pastor is delivering his sermon and screaming out, "Dingaling!" Some things you just don't do.
BLINDSIDED: MY BOYFRIEND WANTS AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Dear Willie D,
My boyfriend came to me and said he wants us to date other people but continue to live together as boyfriend and girlfriend. The backstory to this ridiculous request is that we have had a threesome on several occasions with other girls and guys; I'm bisexual, he's straight. When we had sex with other people, I never considered it cheating because both of us was in agreement and present during the act.
As weird as it sounds, I consider us to be in a monogamous relationship. Him coming to me with this revelation makes me think he doesn't share my sentiments. What am I missing here? Has he moved on?
Invariably, whenever you share your bed with multiple lovers, you open yourself up to a plethora of vulnerabilities. Apparently having sex with other women with his woman's permission wasn't satisfying enough for your dude, so he's decided to take his talents to the next level. He wants to do whatever and whomever he wants without question or regard for your feelings. So at the risk of sounding slow in the head, I will say he's moved on.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back here soon for more of his best answers.
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