JLo couldn't handle the dream crushing on last week's American Idol. Apparently, she was under the impression that this show consisted of judges telling people how inspiring their life stories are. She shed some tears and questioned her future on the show, but despite the manufactured drama, something told us she'd be sticking around. Meanwhile, we can think of a few things really worth crying over.
5. The chart performance of "On The Floor" Or lack thereof. J.Lo's new single hasn't even managed to crack the Billboard 100. Among the singles currently more popular than the Idol judge's: "Do The John Wall" by Troop 41, "This" by Darius Rucker and "I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island.
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4. Being only the second prettiest judge on the Idol panel Maybe not strictly speaking true, but she really might spend less time in hair and makeup than her new co-judge Steven Tyler. That dude is working the blouses pretty hard right now, and we'd say he does at least as much hair adjusting as JLo. We also love the irony of Steven Tyler as the new Simon. Speaking of which...
3. Simon Cowell's new show Simon Cowell is bringing X Factor to the US. Normally, we'd say that won't do too much damage to Idol, considering how well-established the latter is in this country. But he's got a couple things going for him, most significantly a $5 million prize to the winner, the largest in TV history. Plus, there are plenty of people in the camp that believes Simon was the franchise in the first place. JLo's new gig might not last long if X Factor manages to live up to its potential.
2. The Internet Why JLo in particular? Because, as you may have noticed, some part of her appeal has to do with her physical assets (ha!) and the Internet is like the largest, creepiest stalker uncle in history. Care to guess how many results Google can find for "JLo + butt"? 630,000, as it turns out. We could continue down this road, but we'll let you imagine what other words people commonly Google in association with JLo.
1. Muammar Gaddafi This is fucking reality television, JLo! So you had to send some people home -- get over it. There are much larger issues in the world. And while we are certainly not advocating the halting of popular culture until the world is a rainbow of peace and hand-holding, let's go ahead and not pretend like outcome of American Idol is something worth shedding tears over.