I'm a twenty-year-old virgin. Is there anything I can do to help make that magic happen?
Welcome to Ask Willie D, where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Dear Willie D,
I met my fiancé two months ago, and now we are on our way to the chapel to get married. I know you, like everybody else, might think we're moving too fast, but I've always thought if you love someone, what difference does it make if you wait two months or two years to get married?
The wedding is next week, and I'm starting to get cold feet; here's why. My fiancé took me with him to visit his good friend in Arizona, where he grew up. While there, we met several other old friends of his, and on more than one occasion, they referred to him with a name that I never heard before and had no relevance to his first or last name. For instance, if his name was William, people might call him Bob, Willie, or Will.
I asked him about it, and he said it was a nickname, but that didn't make sense. I called my friend and told her about my experience, and she suggested I do some snooping when I got home, which I did. I waited until he went to work and searched his belongings. Hidden inside of a small pocket of his gym bag, I found four additional ID cards with his picture and alias names. I went on the Internet and searched all of the names, including the name I knew him by, but didn't see anything that stood out.
My head is spinning 1,000 miles per minute. For all I know, he could be wanted for murder. What have I gotten myself into? Do I confront him with my discovery, do I wait for him to come clean or do I run for the exits?
When you meet a man for the first time and decide to marry him two months later, you're asking for it. It takes most people longer to figure out what to wear to the club. Before you make commitments to marry someone, it's a good idea to meet their family and friends first. Everyone has that uncle or cousin at the family gathering who always gets drunk and will gladly tell you anything you want to know about a your significant other.
You could confront your fiancé, but what if he really is a murderer? You could set him off. You could wait until he's ready to confide in you, however by that time he could have cleaned out your bank account, ruined your credit, and sold your house for $200.00 to his accountant/ sponsor from AA and split the equity. That leaves one option: run for the exits.
USED BY A FRIEND
Dear Willie D,
My friend is a shameless user. Oh my God, like she never has any money, and when she does she avoids me like the plague. I have propped her up countless times in difficult situations, but when I asked her for a favor one time, she couldn't come to my aid.
I called her late one night after running out of gas. Being a female stranded on a dark deserted road, I was terrified. Because I had helped her so many times, I assumed she would be more than happy to come to my rescue. Boy was I wrong! She told me that she was sleeping and had to get up in the morning for work. What?
Luckily for me, Triple A showed up and put enough fuel in my car for me to make it to the gas station to fill up. The next morning, she called to say she was checking on me to make sure I made it home safely. I swore at her and gave her the big click followed by dead air.
At first, I didn't care, but now I want my money back. The only problem is she never signed a promissory note and since we are no longer friends, I doubt if she will be willing to pay me back without legal action. What should I do?
Dear Used By a Friend,
How much money are we talking about? If it's a couple of hundred dollars, you count your losses and move on. If it's a few thousand, then you have to get that money. However, without proof, in a court of law, it'll be your word against hers and you know how that goes. A pair of lips will say anything.
NO LUCK WITH WOMEN
Dear Willie D,
I have a huge problem with the ladies. I just can't seem to get one. It seems I'll see one, and every time I want to speak, I swallow my words and choke. Whenever I do get to talk with one, she wants money and shoes. I don't give them what they want, because I feel like if I'm going to do this for you what's happening on my end? What are you going to do for me?
If I'm paying, she has to be giving up the cookies. They always leave, but I'm wondering, is there anything I can do to make that magic happen? I'm 20 years old, almost 21, and I'm still a virgin.
Dear Twenty-Year-Old Virgin,
You got a trick mindset; accordingly, you attract women who are only interested in your money and gifts. If all you want is sex and you're prepared to spend, why are you wasting time with women who may or may not break you off? Notwithstanding an age limit, there are plenty of places you can go to get hooked up with a little some-some. Massage parlors and strip clubs are a good place to start. Not saying that I patronize those fine establishments, but I got ears, and I hear things.
Getting choked up when you approach a female is not attractive. Women like men who are confident. A seasoned hustler can smell a trick from a mile away. If they sense any weakness they will exploit it. Try using some of that trick money to invest in acting classes. It will improve your social skills with the ladies and maybe someday you won't have to pay to play.
In the meantime, do you, because women who trade sexual favors for a living don't care if you're cute or a mute. As long as you're paying, they will let you have all the cookies you want. You just have to know where to look.
I DON'T TRUST YOU. USE A CONDOM
Dear Willie D,
My boyfriend is a lying cheat. I have busted him on numerous occasions. The last time I caught him cheating he apologized, bought me flowers and took me to a bar. When we got home and he tried to make love to me, I told him to use a condom because I didn't trust him. He refused my request, so we started arguing, and we both went to bed angry and horny. Was I wrong for asking him to use protection?
Angry and Horny Girlfriend,
Question: If I constantly ate greasy foods, downed alcohol like water, smoked five packs a day and didn't get fat or sick, what would be my incentive to eat healthy and quit smoking? Each time you bust your boyfriend cheating and forgive him, you're telling him it's okay to reproach his commitment to you. If you don't trust your boyfriend, I don't understand how making him put a helmet on his soldier is going to address your issue of infidelity.
To stay safe from the myriad of things that could negatively impact your life by allowing a sexually reckless man to bareback you, you should be the one using protection. And I'm not talking about the kind of protection that's manufactured with latex. I'm talking about the kind that's made of steel.
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