Mashed landings: A rundown of the five worst mash-ups
Thanks to the absurdly low cost of music and video editing software and an inexhaustible number of people who clearly have too much time on their hands, the Internet has been inundated with mash-ups. Some folks, believe this is a auspicious development for humanity. And while we agree that there are indeed some gems out there, there are just as many that are simply egregious trespasses on beautiful music.
The most successful mashes occur when two widely different songs compliment each other, or when one great song is mixed with an abomination that ends up making the abhorrent one actually sound kind of good. The Holy Grail of mashes, then, is when two crappy songs are skillfully combined to magically create one good song.
The flipside, of course, is what happens when neither of these ideal scenarios is played out, when a great track is killed by being unequally yoked to a far inferior tune, or even worse, when two good tunes are made horrendous by way of compositing. And that's our focus today as we run down the five worst mashes we've come across while sorting through the dubious composites of millions that people who clearly have far too much free time on their hands.
05. "Hello, Hello, Hello, Hell-O, I don't think you're ready for this jelly"
Do you think Nirvana represents all that is good and true in music? Then you'll be as appalled as we were when heard the raw energy and passionate sway of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" wed with the likes of Destiny's Child's "Bootilicious." Nirvana is mercilessly silenced and used mostly for its bass-line to hype up the booty shakers in a transgression not unlike publishing a troubled artist's personal journal after he's committed suicide. The ladies of Destiny's Child mimicking the King of Pop only adds insult to injury.
04. "Tricky, Tricky, Tricky, Oh Sweet Child of Mine"
Most mash-ups have at least one thread connecting the various songs that are combined, whether it be genre, tempo, or subject matter. Combining Gun N' Roses' riff-heavy ballad "Sweet Child O' Mine" with Run DMC's choppy, lyric-heavy 'It's Tricky' just doesn't make any logical sense -- and not in a good way like Bjork doesn't make any logical sense. This one is for people who just can't decide whether they'd rather hear an epic '80s arena-rock track or a genuine hip-hop classic and must ingest both of them at the same time. Have at it. The rest of us will cringe.
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