My boyfriend's daughter is out of control, and he won't discipline her. What should I do?
Welcome to Ask Willie D, where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Dear Willie D,
I do quite a bit of entertaining at my home. Usually the closest people to me are in attendance except my dad. The reason my dad is never around is because many of his teeth are either rotten or missing, and I'm ashamed of inviting him over. I almost always feel guilty, but as the night progresses, I forget about it, and it's not a problem again until the next gathering.
I told him once that he should get his teeth fixed, but he just brushed it off. He's on a fixed income, and I'm not rich, so money is somewhat of an issue. But I would be willing to charge it to my credit card and pay off the cost of dentures later. I don't want to press the issue and offend him, so I don't talk about it, but it really bothers me. What should I do?
Dear Feeling Guilty,
Go to your dad and tell him that you want to make an appointment for him to see a dentist so he can be examined and fitted for dentures. Let him know that you will pay for everything. I don't see him refusing an all-expense-paid trip to the dentist's office to get a new grill. If he does, inform him of the health risks associated with bad teeth like infections that cause gum disease, cardiovascular disease and heart problems.
Get him his dentures for your own peace of mind but more importantly, do it for him. It's important to inject your father into your good times and to invite him to gatherings in honor of your milestones in life. All things considered, without him there is no you. He shouldn't be missing celebrations because he's missing a few fangs.
SAY GOODBYE TO THE NICE GUY
Dear Willie D,
I'm a nice guy, but I don't feel like people appreciate me. I'm the guy who will help a friend out with anything, but my friends won't do the same. I'm the guy who is nice to girls, but they take my kindness for weakness and try to walk all over me. What's crazy is they let guys who treat them shitty walk over them.
So my question is: What the hell is wrong with society? Why does it seem like bad guys finish first and nice guys finish last? I'm tired of being the nice guy.
Dear Nice Guy,
I don't know what the hell is wrong with society. But I do know women like the bad-boy type because he's unpredictable and adventurous. They never know when the police are going to kick in the door, or he's going to choke them out at a family gathering.
Additionally, women often assume the bad guy to mean good sex. But they don't generally consider them for long-term commitments. So bad guys eventually finish last. As for your friends, get some new ones.
In the future, if you're going to stoop to someone's level, let it be to pull them up to your level, not to bring yourself down to theirs.
TO SPANK OR NOT TO SPANK
Dear Willie D,
My boyfriend has an eight-year-old daughter from a previous relationship he lets get away with everything. She has absolutely no respect for her elders or authority. Three weeks ago, she slapped me as I was watching television. Instead of her dad doing something about it to discipline her, he started laughing. His response caused her grin to morph into all-out laughter. When I tried to spank her, he stopped me, and said she was just playing, and that I was overreacting.
The problem with his statement is he never spanks her, which, in my opinion, is what she needs sometimes because she is out of control. He says his parents didn't spank him, and he turned out okay. But I believe in the concept of "spare the rod and spoil the child." Is it ever okay to spank a child? If so, when?
Dear Slapped By An Eight-Year-Old,
Spare the rod, spoil the child is a biblical phrase that I feel is often misinterpreted. Most people think it means you should whip your child. I view the rod as a metaphor for discipline. When it comes to disciplining children, parents and guardians should use whatever method is most effective. But I can tell you right now, if spanking is your primary tool of discipline, you will fail big-time. Corporal punishment should be used rarely, if at all.
Growing up, I didn't get spanked; I got beaten. But beatings didn't work for me because I received so many that I became immune to them. That made me cold hearted and bitter. If you live by the "spare the rod, spoil the child" philosophy because it's in the bible, you'll love this: The international version of Colossians 3:21 states: "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."
The reason why, collectively, kids today are out of control is not because they don't get spankings. It's because they aren't being disciplined, period. What good is it if a kid is grounded, but punishment is not enforced?
Your stepdaughter slapped you because her ignorant, goofball daddy taught her that there are no consequences to her actions. Removing things that kids like, compassion and good communication seem to be the most effective form of discipline I've experienced. It worked with me and it works with my kids.
My kids don't get whippings, but in the case of any child of mine slapping me -- be it biological, adoptive, step, foster or other -- the ass whipping they would receive hasn't even been invented yet.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN THE WORKPLACE
Dear Willie D,
I'm a manager at a reputable restaurant in California. I have been with the company for fifteen years. Many times I stretch my job duties to make each customer's dining experience unforgettable. I often work several hours a week without compensation just because I want to make sure everything gets done and it doesn't look like I'm taking advantage of my employer.
Nine months ago, I ended a relationship that I had with a female employee because she was a user. Without going into details, I'll just say she tried to take advantage of my position and the usual perks that comes with sleeping with the boss.
Once I realized she was a user, I broke it off with her. She continued to work at the restaurant up until last month. Two days after she stopped coming in, a rep at our corporate office made me aware that she was suing the restaurant and me for sexual harassment.
I would never violate a woman. I never touched her after we broke up, and everything we did while we were dating was consensual. I still have my job for now, but there's an ongoing investigation to determine whether or not I'm guilty of these slanderous allegations.
My reputation has been tarnished and my integrity has come into question. Even if I'm exonerated, I'll always have this false charge hanging over my head. How can people get away with dragging an innocent person's name through the mud?
Dear Dragged Through the Mud,
Women, in particular, get away with dragging innocent men's names through the mud when they falsely accuse them of sexual crimes because they are seldom prosecuted and jailed for their actions. As a society, from the time we are small children, we are conditioned to see women as victims and men as assailants. So when a woman claims a man has sexually violated her, we tend to take her word for it and spring into action.
The sad thing is that females who perpetuate this type of treachery make it harder to believe the ones who are real victims. They have done more to negatively impact punishing violators than the best defense attorney, the worst crime-scene technician or Congress could ever do.
If false accusers had the same monetary judgment levied against them and were eligible for the same jail sentence as the men they accused of victimizing them were, as a society, we could devote more resources to going after the cowards who violate our women rather than destroying the lives and families of innocent men. But then again, that's too much like right.
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