Seven Reasons American Idol Should Be Canceled

American Idol has been around for eight years and going on ten seasons. And really, anything has a natural life span, and television shows, for the most part, live theirs in close to dog years. Like Great Dane years. Which means, essentially, that American Idol is long in the tooth. It's blind in one eye, nearly deaf, arthritic, uncontrollably flatulent and is really only being kept around because it's too well loved to be put out of its misery.

The only difference between Idol and a big, goofy hound that you're keeping alive because of good memories and not any especially positive future outlook? That big, goofy hound doesn't still rake in millions every year in profits. So the golden rule still applies: Those who have the gold records make the rules. But out of sheer mercy for the fans, it's time to look at TV euthanasia as a real possibility.

Season 9 winner Lee DeWyze.
Season 9 winner Lee DeWyze.

7. Season Nine Sucked

Plain and simple, no one on the damn thing could sing worth a damn. Seriously, when even the pool of potential contestants feels like it's not worth it anymore? There's nothing left, especially for a show like this. This last season must have made the bittersweet goodbyes said by some of the judges feel a lot less bitter and a lot more sweet.

Seven Reasons American Idol Should Be Canceled

6.New Judges Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez

With all due respect to Steven Tyler's career and Jennifer Lopez's ass, neither of those things qualifies them to be judges on American Idol. Tyler knows a lot about music, sure, but not so much the making of a star; Lopez is pretty good with promotion, so long as it's of the booty variety. Bringing in big names is a gimmick that's going to fade faster than Reuben Stoddard's music career.

Seven Reasons American Idol Should Be Canceled

5. Seacrest Overload

Ryan Seacrest is the new Dick Clark in many ways, not the least of which is the hoary portrait hanging up in his attic. But Seacrest has outgrown the show that served as his launching pad to all things host-y, and he's become pretty overexposed. Is there anyone in America who's not sick of his pearly smile and metrosexual wardrobe? Personally, I started hating Seacrest when he called Frank Sinatra "the first American Idol." Which just goes to show that Ryan Seacrest knows nothing about Frank Sinatra, who had chunks of guys like Seacrest in his stool. Dunkleman, we hardly knew ye.

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