There will never be more people watching a musical performance at one time than during the Super Bowl, so it's a good thing they always pick legends. In order, starting the year after Nipplegate: Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, the Who and the Black Eyed Peas. Any of those stand out to you? Shy of Susan Boyle with the cast of Glee as her backing choir, we can't imagine a halftime show we'd want to see less. Still, you have to make the best of a shitty situation. There is a proud tradition of arbitrary prop bets in the Super Bowl, and we've invented a bunch for the halftime show.
There are literally hundreds of these you can actually bet on, on everything from how many times Brett Favre will be mentioned by the announcing team to whether Blake Griffin will have more rebounds in the Clipper's game than the two Super Bowl teams will score, combined, in the second quarter. In that spirit, we've created a bunch of prop bets for the halftime show. At least this way you'll have something to root for other than an alternate universe where Fergie works at Quizno's.
1. They play "Joints & Jam". Odds: 200/1
2. will.i.am is wearing at least two articles of clothing that light up. Odds 5/1
4. apl.de.ap turns out to have been a hologram all along. Odds: 3/1
5. The percentage of Fergie's leg that's covered is less than the percentage of any one song they actually play. Odds: 3/1
6. A last-second announcement is made that this has all been a joke and Jay-Z walks out instead. Odds: 900/1, but we can dream anyway.
7. will.i.am actually follows through on his promise to tweet from the stage. Odds: 2/1, unfortunately.
8. They open or close with their next single, which officially debuts two days after the Super Bowl. Odds: Even
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9. The 159-foot-long JumboTron in Cowboys Stadium is used to play pre-recorded footage of people dancing. Odds 3/1
10. Any member of the Peas refers to the group as champions at some point during the performance. Odds 2/1
Let's all hope this goes terribly and we get someone better next year.