Okay, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, it does. Yesterday, I ran down some of the lamest lines, the worst rap lyrics, from 50-41, and today we inch ever closer to the top of the bottom. Spoiler alert: Lil' Wayne makes the cut (again), as does Jay-Z (twice) and Eminem, Atmosphere, Hopsin and more. Keep reading for more of the worst rhymes of all time as the countdown continues.
40. Atmosphere - "Trying to Find a Balance"
"Yeah, I got some last words: Fuck all y'all/Stop writing raps and go play volleyball."
But, Slug, I don't even play volleyball. Can't I go play tennis, or basketball? If quit rapping and started playing tennis, would that be good enough? And what do you have against volleyball, anyway? I like volleyball. Especially beach volleyball.
39. Jay-Z - "Glory"
"You're a child of destiny/You're the child of my destiny/You're my child with the child from Destiny's Child"
Ok, Jay. We get it. Once is enough. You have sex with Beyonce. We're all very jealous. Please don't ever use the words "destiny" or "child" in a song again.
38. Childish Gambino - "Freaks & Geeks"
"An elephant never forgets, so my dick remembers everything."
How many different ways can Donald Glover say he has a big penis? A lot, apparently. This is one of the worst -- lazy and pointless. What other big things can we compare his penis to? The Titanic sunk, so his dick is under water. Wow, rapping is easy.
37. Eminem - "Space Bound"
"Love is evil. Spell it backwards, I'll show ya."
Let's quickly move past the obvious misspelling and see what other equivalences are true by that same logic. Apparently, my dog is god, which, judging by the large piles of crap he occasionally leaves on my carpet, says something very unflattering about the world's religions.
36. Lil' Wayne on French Montana's "Pop That"
"Pop that pussy like a zit."
Congratulations, Wayne. You just put the pus in pussy. You've managed to juxtapose the two things in the universe I least wanted to be connected in my mind. "Balloon" wouldn't have worked? "Bubble"?
35. Kreayshawn "Go Hard"
"Pretty little bitch, dripping like some water though/I be on that straw and coming for that low, low."
Hey, Kreayshawn, what's the most infantile, nonsensical way you could talk about performing cunnilingus? Anybody who refers to a vagina as a "low, low" deserves to be...ah, never mind.
34. Lil B - "Wonton Soup"
"Eat that wonton soup I got the cash like chang, chang, chang/Bitches suck my dick because I come like 36 ways."
Is there anybody with a stronger penchant for irreverence than Lil B? It's hard to even describe how dumb this rhyme is. Words like "onomatopoeia" and "allusion" are too fancy to be used here.
33. Hoodie Allen - "The Chase Is On"
"Oh, you from Wu-Tang?/Then why's your face ghost?"
First of all, in what circumstance would somebody who wasn't in Wu-Tang tell you that they were in Wu-Tang? Second of all, if they were in Wu-Tang, there's a one in nine chance that their face is ghost. Third of all, this line has no meaning in the context of the song. Three strikes, you're out.
32. Jay-Z - "Fallin'"
"Can't blow too hard/Life's a deck of cards."
Hey! Jay-Z is a GOAT contender. If he had meant to say "house of cards," he damn well would have said "house of cards." The Zed Master is just on a whole other level of consciousness. You can't even comprehend, man. You can't even comprehend.
31. Hopsin - "The B Bop"
"I serve packs of these haters. My words actually rape 'em And where's daddy to save him? My urge has to be fatal. Up in this music shit, the sky's the limit for rising in it, long as I'm consistent and keep on using my eyes as gimmicks."
Ok. Before you judge Hopsin for this fairly offensive, mostly incoherent mess, know this: We're not even sure he knows what most of these words mean. At least he admits that his colored contact lenses are gimmicks. Not sure why he keeps wearing them, as long as he knows he looks stupid.
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