The MTV Movie Awards were last night, but who cares?
While you were out enjoying the lovely weather last night, MTV aired its 19th annual Movie Award show. The broadcast featured such thought provoking awards as "Most WTF Moment" and "Best Villain." We're pretty certain the MTV Movie Awards haven't actually mattered to anyone for the better part of the past two decades. Nonetheless, it was still a weird and rawkus event filled with hundreds of missed jokes sandwiched by commercials.
In case you missed it, there were a few highlights. And although MTV wanted us to think those highlights would come in the form of girl on girl kissing segments, they actually came almost exclusively from Aziz Ansari, whose version of an R. Kelly ode to Avatar -- sounding like a mash-up of Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" with the weirdo humor of Ansari -- was well-worth the cost of admission. It worked, partially because it was funny and partially because it was kept under three-minutes. Toss in some great moments from Zach Galifianakis, and the network came close to offering real entertainment.
Unfortunately, the rest of the show didn't live up to this one segment. While we weren't expecting intellectually stimulating speeches, we certainly weren't prepared for the incredible amount of awkwardness throughout the show. Whether it was Scarlett Johansson being weird on stage with Sandra Bullock or Mark Whalberg interrupting Tom Felton, none of the presenters or award winners seemed to have any idea how to act on this show.
Jumping from toilet humor to family-friendly yuks in the span of one line -- the award winners had no idea if they were supposed to be funny or heartfelt. This all came to a head during the final award, when Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz looked like they they'd rather be anywhere in the world but on stage. There was also a weird running narrative from the stars of Twilight, all of who looked incredibly uncomfortable, like they didn't want to be there -- either because they're too good for MTV, or because they know Twilight is pathetic.
The band performances were just as ridiculous as we've come to expect: Christina Aguilera's glowing heart vagina easily took the award for most ludicrous. Her medley, "'Bionic'/'Not Myself Tonight'/'Woohoo'" is going to be a tween summer jam -- but it's clearly geared towards lonely people who've watched Tron nine-hundred times.
Overall, the awards were secondary to the spectacle, and the spectacle -- a mishmash of ideas with MTV tried to figure out who their target audience is these days -- wasn't much to behold. The stars were just as confused, fumbling over bad lines, wearing a smorgasbord of clothing ranging from T-shirts and jeans to full-blown suits.
MTV needs to figure out who they're trying to sell this to, because it's certainly not us, it's certainly not kids, and the only worthwhile moments of the night came from the host whose stage time couldn't have cleared more than fifteen-minutes. For an awards show dedicated to appreciating pop-culture, it's clearly out of touch.
Oh, and in case you care, The Twilight Saga: New Moon won best movie.
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