The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Aaron Thackeray

Riot Fest isn't just for the punks anymore. This festival, coming to Denver's Sports Authority Field at Mile High this weekend, is bringing an eclectic, loud lineup, and there will surely be a diverse crowd roaming the Byers-themed parking lot. To help you prepare, and maybe even dress, we've rounded up the nine types of people you'll see at Riot Fest. Please note that this is all based purely on our experience at Riot Fest Toronto, our assessment of the lineup and our random whims.

See also: The Five Best Reunited Bands Playing Riot Fest

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Aaron Thackeray

1. Cool Dads

These dads proudly show off their tattoo sleeves and have no problem wearing vans, even though they probably can't skateboard now without breaking something. You'll see them with a toddler son on their shoulders, making sure said son is decked out in a "Buzzcocks" shirt and earplugs, because they know there's nothing cool about tinnitus.

Bands they came to see: The National, Descendents, Wu-Tang Clan Preferred dance move: Helping their toddler fist-pump Mandatory piece of attire: Skating shoes Carnival feature they're most excited about: Nothing says father-son-cute bonding moment of the day like a trip on the Ferris wheel.

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Aaron Thackeray

2. Hipsters

Young hipsters are usually the main kind of crowd at festivals, but at a festival with a lineup as varied as Riot Fest's, they may be easier to spot. You'll see them in the back of crowds staring at their phones or nodding in semi-approval of whatever is happening on stage. They can also be found lying on blankets nowhere near a stage, taking selfies and discussing microbreweries that haven't opened yet, all with a certain lack of enthusiasm.

Bands they came to see: Die Antwoord, TV on the Radio, 3OH!3 ('cause irony) Preferred dance move: Rolling their eyes and throwing shade at random festival-goers Mandatory piece of attire: Glasses without a prescription Carnival feature they're most excited about: Is the old-timey bicycle the guy is riding on the map a ride? They would be all about that.

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Eric Gruneisen

3. Sublime fans who were toddlers when Brad died.

With their tye-dye shirts and fedoras and bags of bud, these kids will be camped out by the Sublime stage all day. They don't care that Rome isn't Brad. The just know that "living life with Louie dog is the only way to stay sane," and that good times can always be found if you have a guitar and a view of the ocean -- or, in this case, the mountains.

Bands they came to see: Sublime, Flaming Lips Preferred dance move: Spinning in a circle or dancing with strangers. Mandatory piece of attire: Lack of shirt Carnival feature they're most excited about: Apple bobbing  

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Aaron Thackeray

4. Cranky old-school punks

These guys are busting out the old denim vest for one last sing-along to the Descendents and Failure. Sure, they've gotten their old graphic tattoos removed and now worry more about their 401ks than about sticking it to the man, but the punk spirit is still alive within them, and they'll let everyone know it by blowing cigarette smoke in your face, moshing just a bit too hard and complaining about all "those damn kids."

Bands they came to see: Descendents, Buzzcocks, Failure Preferred dance move: Shoving the scrawny kid next to them Mandatory piece of attire: Denim vest with an anarchy symbol patch Carnival feature they're most excited about: Mini-golf, if only to smash something with a golf club.

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Eric Gruneisen

5. Ex-emo kids reliving their high-school days

They may not have neon dyed hair or wander around suburban malls anymore, but to these fans, it will always be 2003, and no one will ever understand their anger. They will probably bust out the combat boots or give themselves a stick-and-poke tat to mark this special occasion, when they get to show everyone how much New Found Glory means to them.

Bands they came to see: A Day to Remember, New Found Glory, Manchester Orchestra Preferred dance move: Crowd surfing Mandatory piece of attire: Black Converse Carnival feature they're most excited about: Carnival games: They will win that adorable hot-pink teddy bear.

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Eric Gruneisen

6. Spouses of cranky old-school punks They think their loved-ones listen to "angry boy music," but they are here to support them -- and, of course, to drink the day away with other wives. You'll find them at the VIP section, fanning themselves and gawking at the youth while discussing how they dated a punk once, on a brief trip to NYC. Bands they came to see: What's that band they heard that one time and liked? Social Distortion? Preferred dance move: N/A Mandatory piece of attire: Fanny pack. Carnival ride they're most excited about: Mini-golf  

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Eric Gruneisen

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7. Millenial punks

These kids may have come of age in the early-2000s, but they always wish the East Village in 1976 had been their home. They idolize Television, love looking like dirtbags and have the entire Ramones discography on worn-out vinyl. They aren't nearly as angry or nihilistic as the first punks, but that's probably because David Johansen never knew the joys of owning an iPhone.

Bands they came to see: Buzzcocks, Descendents, Cerebral Ballzy Preferred dance move: Slightly moshing at the fringes of the mosh pit Mandatory piece of attire: Sex Pistols shirt Carnival feature they're most excited about: Whatever ride has the most chance of ending with them throwing up beer on a employee

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Aaron Thackeray

8. Families There will always be the parents that think a music festival is the perfect place for familial bonding on a Saturday. They'll be the ones buying a fourth giant lemonade for their son and watching the bands from afar with the dad's arm around his daughter, trying to make small talk about the noise coming from the stage.

Bands they came to see: The National, The Cure, Weezer Preferred dance move: Keeping the kids close by. Mandatory piece of attire: Dad will be wearing an ill-fitting baseball cap, Mom will be wearing tennis shoes. Carnival feature they're most excited about: It's "family ferris wheel photo for the Christmas card" time!

The Nine Types of People You'll See at Riot Fest
Eric Gruneisen

9. Metalheads They like their music loud and fast and can't wait for Slayer to show Riot Fest what a real riot sounds like. They'll be spending all day listening to all the bands they can, because their lives are devoted to the music. Or maybe they'll take a break for a round of mini-golf, because who doesn't love mini-golf?

Bands they came to see: Slayer, We Came As Romans, Rise Against Preferred dance move: Moshing Mandatory piece of attire: Oversized black jeans Carnival feature they're most excited about: Wrestling





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