The ten horniest metal bands
Getting laid is one of the perks of the trade. Guys form bands with the sole goal of getting their bananas peeled. Most metal dudes are satisfied with groupies every night, but some just can't get enough of the jiggly bits and the furry monsters, so they end up singing about sex on top of that. That's what these ten horniest metal bands are about. Just try to contain yourself while unclothing this list with your eyes, and then go get your freak on.
Tool, as in big dick. Tool, as in their first band logo of a wrench shaped penis with two holes instead of one at the bottom, and a helmet shaped end. As a band, Tool is more about anti-censorship than sex, but the band has used sexual content to protest censorship. The video for "Hush," for instance, features a very naked band with a 'Parental Advisory Explicit Parts' sign over their junk, making a humorous stance against 'Parental Advisory' stickers on albums. The song "Stinkfist" is definitely open for artistic interpretation like all other Tool songs, but its message is delivered through sexual metaphors -- quite possibly about overstimulation of sex in our society, which could lead to more perverse acts.
9. Bullet for My Valentine
If Bullet for My Valentine sings, "Whoa ohh ohh" -- or any variation of 'whoa' and 'oh' -- one more time, even their groupies are going to start saying, "Whoa, no." Despite the rehashing of lyrics, the band does have plenty of sexual substance to appease even the horniest horn dog. In "Fever," the hotness of a female body has taken over frontman Matt Tuck, and he loses control of his body temperature because she's smokin', radiating with the lyrics, "Keep on those high heel shoes, rip off all your clothes/You smell so fucking good, it makes me lose control!" He's got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell -- and a roll in the hay.
8. Mötley Crüe
Yes, there is an endless list of hair metal bands that sing about sex, but Mötley Crüe was one of the hornier glam metal bands with a wild side. What else would you expect from a band with two sets of umlaut ball sacks in its name? With songs like "Slice of Your Pie," "Rattlesnake Shake," "Sticky Sweet" and "She Goes Down," it would be hard to argue that these guys were singing about long term relationship sex with one woman. Mötley Crüe's first video of "Girls, Girls, Girls" was banned due to uncensored nude strippers, and just in case they seemed vague, the lyrics are about the band's enthusiasm to see strippers get naked. "Girls, girls, girls/Long legs and burgundy lips/Girls, girls, girls/Dancin' down on the Sunset Strip."
7. Steel Panther
With much more hair and glam than metal -- much, much more -- and a good deal of tongue-in-cheek, Steel Panther will rock your world with its ultra sex lifestyle that could wow even the hardest hardcore metalhead. Albums like Hole Patrol, Feel the Steel and Balls Out don't need their connotation spelled out; they are albums that were erected with their super sexiness and held together with lots of hairspray. There are so many examples of sexual content in the band's discography, that just one dose from the song "Supersonic Sex Machine" will arouse sexual overload: "I'm the cyber-slutty sex bot made of steel/I am programmed to make all the bitches squeal/I've got gluteus of aluminum and circuit board abs/I'm impervious to hackers, Chlamydia and crabs."
6. Cradle of Filth
The music of Cradle of Filth is as dark, twisted and erotic as an Anne Rice novel, with chilling high-pitched vocals by Dani Filth and looming symphonic metal that haunts the ears. Dani Filth's lyrics are jammed packed with poetic gothic imagery that often experiments with themes of sex and religion and focuses much on the female body. "A Gothic Romance (Red Roses for the Devil's Whore)" is a heavy, Poe-esque narrative about a female's sexual awakening, containing one of Dani Filth's favorite words, a word if uttered is guaranteed to merit a slap from most females: "Thou art privy to my sin/Secrets dead, wouldst thou inflict/The cruel daylights upon my skin?/Dost thou not want to worship me/With crimson sacrifice/So my c*nt may twitch against thy kiss." Why can't Dani Filth just use the word va-jay-jay instead?
If Korn would apply just an ounce of its passion for sex to its instrumentation and lyrics instead of stripping it down, they probably would have been bigger than AC/DC's big balls. The hypersexual frontman Jonathan Davis has screamed about sex monosyllabically for two decades in songs like "A.D.I.D.A.S." Far from addressing the Adidas sportswear they used to wear, the lyrics enlighten the listener on how much Davis thinks about sex: "I don't know your fucking name/So what? Let's fuck/All day I dream about sex." Carried out in a funky metal manner, "Beat It Upright" gets down and dirty without wasting anytime, "Are you ready for a good pounding baby?/Get down/Are you ready to get it on?/Get down, get down/Don't pretend you're not fuckin' freaky baby/Get down/I will spank that ass just for fun/Get down on the ground."
4. Nine Inch Nails
The world has been boinking like animals ever since "Closer" hit the airwaves in the mid '90s. This section could just stop at the song title "Closer," and it would justify this fourth place standing, but NIN's urge to sing about sex doesn't stop at its most twisted arousing song. "Suck" is almost as filthy, but less blunt and profane: "I'm Jesus Christ on Ecstasy/How does it feel?/I am so dirty on the inside/How does it feel?/Suck/A thousand lips a thousand tongues/A thousand throats a thousand lungs/A thousand ways to make it true/I want to do terrible things to you."
3. Type O Negative
As testosterone filled as lead singer Peter Steele's deep vocals, Type O Negative unveils narrative lyrics about the female body/sex more poetically than most metal bands and comes together with a dramatic gothic metal. "Love You to Death" eases the listener into the song with, "In her place, one hundred candles burning/As salty sweat drips from her breast/Her hips move, and I can feel what they're saying, swaying/They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya." A thirty second female orgasm opens up the album Bloody Kisses, and just when you start to feel -- ahem -- it cuts to the second track "Christian Woman," with unlikely lyrics combing the themes of sex and religion.
Phonetically sung by American fans with an almost comical German accent, much of Rammstein's words go unheard. "Mein Teil" directly translates to 'my parts', and can also be German slang for 'my penis'. Deutsche weinerschnitzel, ja? Ja! Vocalist Till Lindemann never slips the actually word in this song, and strictly sticks to a thick sexual innuendo about meat with lines like, "Soft parts and even hard ones are on the menu," and "I keep eating while in convulsions/It's just so well seasoned /and so nicely flambéed." The song "Bück Dich" -- or bend down/bend over -- isn't about picking up a pen on the floor. When performing "Bück dich" live, Lindemann wears a fleshy floppy phallic object around his waist that shoots white foamy liquid on the crowd, which many concertgoers say is oddly refreshing in a sweaty mosh pit.
1. Marilyn Manson
Decked out in gothic leather and dreary makeup, Marilyn Manson always looks like he just stepped out of an S&M den. Recognized as a person who screams lyrics dripping with social commentary, wry observations and witty wordage, Manson is also well-known for being blatantly obscene. In "User Friendly," Manson sings of a jaded relationship with the line, "She says, 'I'm not in love, but I'm gonna fuck you 'til somebody better comes along.'" His discography is swimming with sexual songs that have more of a meaning than just having sex, like in "The Suck for your Solution," -- which was also on the Private Parts soundtrack -- with lyrics, "Desexed and jaded/Hopeless and soulless and bored of the thrill/We make our death/sex/symbol/When we can't fuck then we kill." You know? The really happy, fun part of sex.
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