The ten worst collaborations in metal
Magic can certainly happen in the recording studio, but with some collaborations, a witch's brew with a horrid stink can also boil over. Huge, lottery-sized paychecks evidently blinded the poor fools involved from seeing what truly awful things they were creating. Where's Marty McFly when you need him? If only he could go back in time and pull the plug on these unholy unions. Keep reading for the ten worst collaborations in metal.
See also: The ten most disappointing metal albums
10. Korn & Ice Cube - "Children of the Korn"
Two and a half albums into Korn's career, "Children of the Korn" marks the band's fall into the abysmal abyss of nu-metal on a collaboration that lacked collaboration. It sounds as if Jonathon Davis and Ice Cube recorded their vocals on opposite sides of the planet. The best part of the song is at the end, when Ice Cube yells "Beeatch!" A hint of hip-hop in Korn works, but this much was too hard to handle and too cold to hold.
9. Metallica & Marianne Faithfull - "The Memory Remains"
Metallica has never had a successful collaboration, and if they ever decide to stop collaborating, they'd be doing the world a favor. The only part Marianne Faithfull sings is "Da, da, da, da, da." Is it really a musical effort if there aren't any words sung? Okay, she mumbles a few other words, too; it's more of a whisper than singing. Presidential candidates collaborate more with musicians during elections with no rhythm and singing the wrong lyrics.
8. Coal Chamber & Ozzy - "Shock the Monkey"
"Shock the monkey, hey, hey." No, no! Let the monkey fling all his poo at this shit! If the guitar was any more stripped back, you'd hit the bone of this starved-to-death song. When you're collaborating, you should at least take the time to create an original song, being that you've never worked together before. Covering a Peter Gabriel song like this is just a quick way to make a buck.
7. Puff Daddy & Page - "Come With Me"
"Come With Me" is just another unoriginal song by Puff Daddy. "Kashmir" was an untainted Led Zeppelin classic until someone shoved a shit-ton of Benjamins under Jimmy Page's nose. Page should've known better, being the genius that he is. This collaboration ripped the heart out of Zeppelin fans and then took a massive dump on it. Not only did this happen, but it was also featured on the massive failure that was Godzilla. Page could do no wrong until this fusion of failure.
6. Metallica & Lou Reed - Lulu
With two very competent musicians coming together, this album was highly anticipated. Bringing two different styles together, you had to wonder how their jam sessions would develop. They both tried to meet halfway, but Metallica's stifled speed felt irritable with Lou Reed's monotonous vocals stuck in a traffic jam. (Hey, a traffic jam session!) Hopefully this collaboration will smack Metallica to their senses, halting any future collaborations.
5. Slash & Black Eyed Peas - "Sweet Child O' Mine"
That night was not a good night. This on-stage cover collaboration was a super toilet bowl of crap at a Super Bowl. An amazing Hail Mary and a hilarious slew of million-dollar commercials couldn't erase this from anyone's memory. Axl Rose should be the only one attempting his vocals; otherwise, it sounds like Fergie is strangling a cat that will never die. You can find better versions of "Sweet Child O' Mine" at drunken karaoke nights.
4. Jay-Z & Linkin Park - Collision Course
This is a lazy collaboration that was probably mixed by some thirteen-year-old still in his pajamas on a Saturday afternoon. There is no blood, sweat or tears involved in this mash-up. "Collision Course" is right, because this shit crashed and burned on the same train track. After this collaboration, every idiot with a laptop was smashing songs together, thinking they had some kind of unique skill.
3. Ozzy & Lita Ford - "Close My Eyes Forever"
"Close My Eyes Forever" would make any listener want to close their ears forever, just in case another collaboration like this happened. Run away from this song and never come back. If Lita Ford wasn't managed by Sharon Osbourne at the time, this alcohol-and-pot-induced love child from an orgy would've never happened. It was hard to hate anything Ozzy did until this was conceived, but with bland lyrics and an Easy Cheese level of cheesiness, this song leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
2. Helloween and Candice Night - "Light the Universe"
"Light the Universe" is a ballad worse than the '80s, produced by hair-band hacks who were clearly high on hairspray. It's hard to determine what's worse -- the generic, bland musicianship, the nails-on-the-chalkboard duet vocals or the horrible acting attempt of the musicians trying to pull this off as passable piece of music. B-star actors could've pulled off a better acting job with Ed Wood behind the camera.
1. Limp Bizkit & Raekwon - "Combat Jazz"
Once again, Fred Durst tries to prove his hip hip-hop skills, and once again, he fails. Friends shouldn't let friends collaborate junk, especially if Fred Durst -- who is considered a dunce in the metal, rap and even nu-metal world -- is involved. Durst ebbed after Raekwon's flow. Raekwon should only rap with rappers of equal ability. Durst must have smoked him out while agreeing to do this.
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