Last Name: Keenan
First Name: Maynard
Position You Are Applying For: Jizz Mopper
Why You're a Perfect Fit at Happy Endings Adult Video: I really should just attach a copy of my latest album, 10,000 Days. On this album, I prove to everyone that my band, Tool, is the ultimate hard-rock jam band -- the alt-rock version of the Grateful Dead -- because all we do is wheedle around for at least seven minutes on every song without ever bothering with a concrete melody. Oh, we come up with some killer riffs, like that burst of chords about nine minutes into "10,000 Days (Wings Pt. 2)" that sounds like we just went to the Aenima sessions, hit copy-and-paste on ProTools and reinserted the good bits. But we've done all these guitar and bass riffs before, which is why we're so awesome at them. And the fact that everyone is eating up our first single, "Vicarious," even though the riff is a direct ripoff of our last album's big single, "Schism," is proof that I'm really good at watching my band beat off for 76 minutes' worth of an album. I may as well do that for my day job, too.