Fucking MTV. On the heels of its "extreme" strategy, we just heard the network is introducing another awards show that is apparently supposed to celebrate the "migration of music to the digital space." The show will honor tweets and best apps...uhhh...what?!? This isn't an awards show; this is an extra-fees-will-apply show. I hate MTV, but if the public keeps falling for its ploys to earn an extra buck, I can't blame the station's creative directors -- I can only admire and envy them.
So the 'O' Awards show is leaving the 'O' "up for grabs." Apparently, it's more interactive and fun that way. The O clearly represents online, but to increase ratings, they are letting the viewer decide what they want it to be called. Since "online" is far too boring for our intellectual sensibilities, it's important that a list be created to give alternative O options. Text us if you like any of these, and we'll post the winner on the next lame-ass non-awards awards show that we make up to squeeze more money out of our audience.
5. The Ohhhh...We're all Out of Ideas It's gotta be hard to be the only non-music music channel on the air. This new awards show is supposed to be all about the celebration of a changing music generation and technology of digital music -- but why don't they just balls up and be honest: They're all out of ideas. The channel mostly consists of reality television shows with the occasional new video. MTV needs to bring in some new viewers, and the idiots that actually tune into MTV don't give a shit what they're watching. They just zone out and tune in. And Kanye will be there. Suhwwwweeeet.
4. Oprah Awards Oprah gives money to anyone that sticks her name on their program, magazine, blog, t-shirt or school. Cash in, MTV! Put this bajillionaire's name on your awards show. You will be guaranteed an exorbitant amount of loot and dough; plus, by naming your show after the O.G.O., your ratings are guaranteed to be stellar. Everyone knows those cracked-out Opraholics follow her around like she's the second coming of Jesus. Maybe she can make a special appearance and give away a car -- or some inappropriate, creepy school-teachers to "take care" of your kids.
3. The OMG's Who wouldn't watch something that references a term used approximately one million times per hour? Every 'tween in the universe would tune in. MTV could include an interactive OMG meter on the show and see how many tweets and status updates people change to OMG! Of course, extra charges would apply, and go right into the pockets of the MTV brass. 'Tween/teen viewers don't give a damn who performs or who wins; all they care about is texting "OMG r u watchin' the OMG awrds??!?!" We're all doomed.
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2. Old School Music Channel Awards Since there isn't really music on MTV anymore, let's kick it old-school. Bring back all the artists that performed in the 1980s and rock this bitch out. Nobody cares about this new crappy digital age being awarded. If you are putting music in the title of your program, there should be music in the goddamn show! Who wouldn't tune into Madonna, Guns N' Roses, Elton John and Cyndi Lauper? If you wouldn't tune in? Screw you. Go watch some Snooki.
1. Objectification Awards Every single time I look at the MTV guide on my TiVo, all I see is Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom... and really, there's nothing like exploiting idiots for your entertainment. I'm all about objectifying innocent individuals, but not copping to it is just annoying. They absolutely exploit young girls-- and have for years. Just look at the popularity of the shows -- and by glancing at their Saturday lineup, it doesn't appear anything is going to change any time soon. Honestly, I would totally tune in to watch some pregnant bitches battle it out on stage while trying to get viral votes.