Top Five Rebecca Black Disses
By now, you've heard "Friday," right, that horrendous Rebecca Black song? Although we firmly believe it is an abomination, we are super-psyched to not only have something new to make fun of, but we are now able to relish Rebecca Black's career-demise and observe in the vast, demented glory that is making fun of a thirteen-year-old girl.
We aren't the only assholes picking on this innocent teen, so don't get all parental on us. And don't feel sorry for her. Her song is so horrific...that it's making billions (which, to be fair, she's donating to Japan). And why not? You know you've done something wonderful when the media and bloggers get a hold of you and tear you apart. HOORAY FOR SHOWBUSINESS! The parodies and attacks have begun. Here's the top five disses thus far.
5. Anonymous Online A-Holes After the "song" hit big on YouTube, Black began not to only get large amounts of criticism for her singing voice, but apparently people kind of wanted her to...well, die. According to a recent ABC interview, someone online advised "I hope you cut yourself, and I hope you get an eating disorder so you'll look pretty. And I hope you go cut and die." It must have been appalling for this 13 year-old. So here's some advice, Miss Black...just remember it's when people stop responding when you should get worried. And also, fuck those idiots!
4. Miley Cyrus This little bitch has no room to talk about becoming a star on virtually no talent, but contrary to reports coming out now that Miley never uttered a mean word about Rebecca Black? We aren't buying it. Apparently, Miley is reported to have said "You shouldn't just be able to put a song on YouTube and go out on tour." Well, even though we despise Black, Cyrus and Bieber, we also think skanks in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. We suppose we'd be pissed off if someone took our headlines as well, Miley, but backpedaling now just makes you look like an idiot.
3. Conan O'Brian Reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite, Conan sets up his parody by advising the young YouTube star that she pretty much stole his jam. It's not that he's completely attacking Black, but he absolutely makes it clear that he, too, pines for a day of the week. The difference? His day is Thursday. Thursday. With the help of Andy Richter, A Ford Taurus, and some delicious cheese dip, Conan's ode to idiocy is spectacular. If that's not enough for you, we don't know what might be.
2. Jay Leno Okay, maybe he didn't make fun of her outright, but we don't think it was an accident that the music was queued early. It made her look like more of an ass to lip-synch, and we are thinking that was the point. Plus, take a look at Bradley Cooper's face; you know he's thinking "Are you fucking serious?!?! I couldn't get better billing?!?!" She may have tweeted ""ASDFGHJKLKIOP I JUST MET BRADLEY COOPER. OMG. I almost fainted." But Cooper's tweet should've read "Fuck you, Leno."
1. Jimmy Fallon/Stephen Colbert If you don't watch this video over and over again...there is something wrong with you. Stephen Colbert, Taylor Hicks, Jimmy Fallon and The Roots making fun of your song is probably the biggest compliment this lame teen could ask for. Their synthesized voices and sweet dance moves simultaneously make fun of, and give mad props to, this stupid song. Did I mention the Knicks City dancers make an appearance? FUN! FUN! FUN!