In 1985, Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie stormed the pop charts with "We Are the World," a song that had something to do with togetherness or African famine or something -- we don't remember anymore.
Now, just in time for the 25th Anniversary of the original recording, producer Quincy Jones has stated he'll be rerecording the track today, with new artists cherry picked from the Grammys, nominees and attendees, to raise funds for Haiti. He hasn't released a list of who's going to be included in it, so we decided to go ahead and pick and choose ourselves. Who would replace who?
Just a warning here, we decided not to recast the 22 extras who didn't have solo's, but we're pretty certain Michael Cera would be replacing Dan Aykroyd.
Lionel Richie: Will.i.am No, we don't agree with it, we're just saying, Will.i.am is going to be in here somewhere, so it might as well be at the top so we can get it out of the way.
Stevie Wonder: Maxwell Maxwell's not blind, but "Pretty Wings" might as well be a Stevie Wonder song.
Paul Simon: Ben Gibbard We always figured Paul Simon for some type of putz, so replacing him with indie-guru and heartbreaker Ben Gibbard seemed natural.
Kenny Rogers: Jason Mraz This is really just because we haven't heard of any of the country music nominees and we're told Jason Mraz plays a ukulele.
James Ingram: Seal James Ingram's "The Day I Fall in Love," a duet recorded with Dolly Parton, was recorded for the indie-classic art house film Beethoven's 2nd; Seal, on the contrary, recorded "Kiss from A Rose" for Batman Forever -- and won.
Tina Turner: Beyoncé This one's pretty self-explanatory, really; we aren't going to be part of the world unless the world's willing to put a ring on it.
Billy Joel: Dave Matthews In 1985, Billy Joel made music for ex-hippies and soccer moms; now Dave Matthews does the same.
Michael Jackson: A 3D hologram of Michael Jackson. Like those things CNN had during the Presidential election, because "We Are the World" is nothing without MJ.
Diana Ross: India.Arie We don't know what else India.Arie would be doing during these awards if she wasn't doing "We Are the World," because she certainly isn't going to beat T-Pain and Jamie Foxx in the best R&B Duo category.
Dionne Warwick: Karen O We've always thought Dionne Warwick was a little kooky, and Karen O is most definitely a bit kooky.
Willie Nelson: Billy Currington No, we have no idea who the hell Billy Currington is, and we're not going to look it up. We do know he has an album called People Are Crazy. Oh my god, so true!
Al Jarreau: Prince He was left out of the original gang as far as we remember, so there's no reason why he shouldn't make an appearance here. Besides, music video's can always use a bit more purple.
Bruce Springsteen: Chris Martin We just figured Chris Martin would want to get in on the action somehow, so we tossed him in the Boss's space.
Kenny Loggins: Billie Armstrong Green Day's all about political activism right? Or maybe they're all about flying jet planes, we can't remember, but this substitute seems logical regardless.
Steve Perry: Caleb Followill Hey, you know who is up for a Grammy? Kings of Leon. So we figured we'd slide lead-singer Caleb into Steve Perry's spot.
Daryl Hall: Isaac Slade Two words: power ballad.
Huey Lewis: Andrew VanWyngarden Nobody ever believes us when we say MGMT sounds like Huey Lewis and the News to us, but if this happens you'll see it too.
Cyndi Lauper: Lady Gaga We still don't know what exactly a Lady Gaga is, but we know it has funny outfits and hairdos, just like this Lauper chick.
Kim Carnes: Taylor Swift We kind of think Taylor Swift has Bette Davis eyes, so we just figured we'd run with it here.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Bob Dylan: Brian Aubert We don't really know how the Silversun Pickups got popular enough to be up for Best New Artist, but we also don't know how Bob Dylan got popular, but that's probably just because we fell asleep during the Scorsese documentary.
Ray Charles: Jamie Foxx Uh, duh.
[orig. posted: 01.29.10, 10:46:21]