Chalk this one up to a case of celebrity cash-in: It looks like Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer has an iPhone app now. And this probably isn't going to come as any surprise, but it it absolutely blows. The ap, Joey Kramer: Hit Hard, only held our attention for about three minutes. Even so, those three minutes held some absolute hilarity that just has to be shared.
First off, the game is nothing more than the now-standard rhythm game, ie., downward scrolling brightly colored balls that you "hit" when they reach the bottom of the screen. If you're a huge Joey Kramer fan, it's probably worth noting that he recorded all of the beats. If you're not a fan of his, the drums sound like a drunk old guy banging the skins in some shitty practice space.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
The real bonus comes when Kramer himself cheers you on. We're not going to pretend the first time we heard him say, "You hit hard," didn't crack us up. Does anyone remember the game Double Dribble? It was one of the first times we ever heard a voice in a video game; it's terrible. Kramer's canned, boring cheers sound about as good here. He also says "congratulations" even when you get a 94/126, which isn't particularly good -- in fact, we're pretty sure if we missed 32 beats in a song we'd be kicked out of the band.
So how's the actual game? Well, it's terrible. Absolutely terrible. Besides the fact that the drums sound canned, the only real challenge is figuring out how to hit the three drums at the bottom of the screen if you have larger than pixie-sized hands.
If you have two dollars to blow and really, really want a rhythm game on your iPhone, we'd suggest going with "muBlip". Skip this pile of digital refuse as quickly as you'd skip seeing an Aerosmith concert.