Here's a new way to amuse yourself while not working: TextsFromLastNight.com, which collects text messages that probably shouldn't have been sent, but were.
Odds are strong that an enormous percentage of the submissions are fictional -- the equivalent of those vintage Penthouse letters that began, "I never thought something like this would happen to me, but when the buxom bank teller asked me to make an afterhours deposit..." Still, they can be pretty damn funny -- and rude -- and politically incorrect. Here are some examples allegedly sent from the 303 area code:
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
(303): The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
(303): am i morally bankrupt? (970): no. its just the recession
(303): That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Want to see more? Click "Continue."
More 303 samples from TextsFromLastNight.com:
(832): I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right? (303): Knowing your life, probably not.
(303): I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
(303): She went from zero to smokin in five shots
(303): My hand turned me down
(303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
(303): last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
(404): My penis looks like a roll of pennies (303): Oh. Ok. I get the hint. (404): Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
(303): I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
(303): Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
(303): Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
(303): well if you came here i would keep you awake :* (1-303): did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
(303): My liver just broke up with me...
(303): I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
(303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
(303): if i can run in heels then i can drive
(303): How was Boulder? (720): We're still here. We can't find _____. (303): How'd you lose him? (720): He ate a bag of Molly, wondered off, and keeps calling saying he's at the zoo feeding the tigers (720): The zoo is 60 miles away and we called just to be sure - they don't let people feed the tigers
(303): Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
(303): A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
(303): Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher