These days, fans frequently lament that TV-news sports reports don't have nearly as much sports in them as they once did. Prime example: my daughter Lora, 15, who went off on such a memorable rant about 9News' Susie Wargin last week, on the day after the Denver Nuggets defeated the San Antonio Spurs, that I transcribed the whole thing. Before I turn it over to her, however, I need to include a few prefatory notes. First of all, I didn't see the sports segment she describes, but I suspect it was a "sports extra" package, as opposed to the main update. Also, her time references are highly variable, but I think you'll get the point -- and although she asked to change a faux-profanity she used to the real thing, her mom said "no."
And now, without further adieu, let the punishment begin:
"It pisses me off. It's her job description to frickin' talk about sports, but I wake up in the morning, eager to hear about sports, and every morning it's about a bike or breast cancer or a treadmill for the legless: I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. She doesn't do what she's supposed to do. I knew the Nuggets won last night, and I was all excited, because they're actually kicking ass this season, and I was too lazy to read the newspaper -- so I wanted to turn on the TV and have the information shown to me in video clips and such. And she talked about a bike for, like, twenty minutes and didn't mention one thing about any other sport. And there was a game last night. I was so pissed. I wanted to see the Nuggets kick ass. That's not too much to ask. She needs to start doing her job, or they need to deduct her pay. So I went to ESPN. They at least do their jobs. They're a sports network, so they show sports. She has ten minutes of sports and she doesn't even show any sports. ESPN didn't show me any Nuggets, but who cares. At least they were showing some sporting event. I'm sure those bikes are exciting for someone, but can't they show them in a five-minute block instead of a twenty-minute block?" -- Michael Roberts