From time to time. we at Schmuck of the Week headquarters take it upon ourselves to offer advice to folks on the cusp of schmuckdom, in the hope of helping them avoid being featured in this space down the line.
Today's tip: Don't commit a crime while cops are at your door.
Had Alexis Celona and Michael Muehlbauer embraced this philosophy, they'd be in less trouble than they are now.
Turns out they were already wanted when they allegedly caused a flood in a hotel room — something that was hard to pin on previous guests, since officers were waiting outside.
This isn't the first time Muehlbauer's booking photo has made the media. Last August, he was featured in the Colorado Springs Gazette's "Mug Shot Monday" feature owing to a bust for allegedly providing false information to a pawn broker.
For her part, Celona's online footprint consisted mainly of pics lingering on an old MySpace page:
But things changed this week, owing to shenanigans that took place on April 4.
According to the Colorado Springs Police Department, officers were on the lookout for Muehlbauer, 24, who'd racked up multiple felony warrants.
And when they traced him to a room at the MCM Elegante Suites, a hotel in the Colorado Springs area, they stumbled on a two-for-one deal.
The reason: He was in the company of Celona, 26, and she had some felony and misdemeanor warrants out in her name, too.
The CSPD reportedly made numerous attempts to contact the pair at the hotel, but to no avail — and while they were in the process of obtaining a search warrant, Muehlbauer and Celona allegedly barricaded themselves in their room and turned on the fire sprinklers.
The cops say water poured out from the ceiling, flooding their room and several other adjacent ones. There was so much liquid, in fact, that part of the hotel's electrical system was switched off, so as to prevent responding officers from electrocuting themselves.
Why had the twosome turned on the sprinklers? Muehlbauer is quoted as explaining that the sprinkler gambit was "a failed attempt at a diversionary tactic that would have allowed the suspects to escape," a CSPD release states.
By the way, Muehlbauer ultimately left the room because he was cold; he complained about hypothermia, the cops maintain. But Celona was apparently more resilient. She had to be "extracted," along with a German Shepard.
Oh yeah: The flooding was so bad the toilet in the room had to be removed in order for personnel from the Colorado Springs Fire Department to drain out the water.
Damage is estimated at $15,000.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Muehlbauer and Celona were promptly arrested on the original charges, plus suspicion of criminal mischief and reckless endangerment.
To that, we add a count of first-degree schmuckiness.
Here's a report about the incident from KKTV.