America’s Penguin

In light of John McCain handily winning the GOP nomination despite his constant on-air harangues about the collapse of conservative values at the hands of this cross-aisle-reaching maverick, Rush Limbaugh might be looking for another outlet for his frustration.

After seeing this poor impression of McCain mulling Condoleezza Rice as his running mate, I’d like to suggest he take a break from broadcasting to fill the role of The Penguin in any upcoming Christopher Nolan/Christian Bale Batman remakes. Danny DeVito couldn’t give the demented, creepy, subterranean malcontent his due justice in Batman Returns (1992), but after this on-air audition, I think Mr. Limbaugh fits the bill just fine. He may not have an army of penguins with rockets strapped to their backs, ready to destroy Gotham, but he does have an army of “dittoheads”—conservatives registering to vote in Democratic primaries and casting ballots for the reviled Hillary Clinton in hopes of prolonging and muddling the Democratic race under the banner, “Operation Chaos.” Mr. Limbaugh has taken credit for Operation Chaos influence in Clinton’s victory in Texas as well as her sizeable margin in Ohio.

And think of the box-office magic. Mr. Limbaugh’s supposed 20 million listeners could all use two hours of escapism during a McCain, Obama or Clinton presidency. What better than a Christian (Bale) doing battle with the forces of evil alongside his dear friend and good-guy everyman, America’s Anchorman and the Doctor of Democracy, Mr. Penguin?

If Mr. Limbaugh’s people really have their act together, they’ll also cross-promote their lovely line of Guantanamo Bay t-shirts, including “The Club G’itmo T-Shirt—I Got My Free Koran and Prayer Rug at G’itmo,” and “Your Tropical Retreat from the Stress of Jihad,” with the release of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, due April 25.

-- Joe Horton


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