Dear Mexican: From what I’ve seen and heard, Mexicans are very family-oriented. They take the names of their mothers and fathers, live with extended family, take carpooling to the nth degree, and tattoo the names of their children across their bodies. We recently had a party and invited one of our Hispanic friends. She showed up with her grandmother, mother, sister and her two kids! What the hell was that all about?
What I don’t understand is this: Whenever I see Mexican men and women walking along busy streets, or through stores, or standing at bus stops, their kids are usually more than an arm’s length away, sometimes trailing as much as several feet behind them. It’s also not uncommon to see little kids crawling around in front seats, back seats and truck beds, totally unrestrained! I’m quite sure these are the same people that put the “In memory of...” on their vehicles’ windows when their kids die from wandering into traffic or an auto accident. Maybe there is some sort of perverse logic that I don’t understand. Perhaps those decals are more highly respected by the Mexican community than raising good, healthy, honest kids. What are your thoughts?
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Dear Gabacho: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2013 study “Motor Vehicle Traffic-Related Pedestrian Deaths — United States, 2001-2010” broke down pedestrian death rates for children ages one to fourteen by ethnicity. Findings showed that while more niños were involved in fatalities than gabachos, the rates weren’t too far off: 2.61 deaths per 100,000 people for Latinos, compared to 1.66 for gabas. On the other hand, rates in the same age group for girls favored Latinas: .62, compared to .68 for gabachitas. Do gabacho parents not care for their little girls? Unlike your pendejo ass, the study determined that factors other than race skewed death rates a certain way. Your assumptions just make an ass out of you and tú, but perhaps you respect babadas more than good, healthy, honest facts.
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans love to watch American movies with Mexican voices dubbed over the actors when they speak their lines? What is this fascination? There is nothing more amusing than watching Arnold Schwarzenegger speak Spanish.
Dear Confused Gabacho: In the early days of sound, Hollywood producers would film multiple takes in multiple languages to appeal to their fans worldwide. Moviemakers knew even then that foreign audiences liked hearing dialogue in their native language, even if it was dubbed to ludicrous results. You think Ah-nuld is funny? You’ve gotta hear “Homero” on the Latin American broadcast of The Simpsons.