Dear Stoner: We're flying in for the Eagles game next weekend, and I want to get stoned before I go in. What's my over-under on that?
Green & Black
Dear Fans of a Lesser Team: This question has come up a few times, actually. Yes, you can get stoned before the game. But as a tourist, don't go waltzing into a dispensary expecting to score a bag of herb. This has nothing to do with your ugly Michael Vick jersey: Recreational sales don't start until next year. If you can't find it from a waiter or bellman, you'll do fine in the parking lots by the stadium...even if you're not in orange.
Ask a Stoner
It may be a cliché, but Mile High Stadium doesn't just refer to the altitude. Along with the wings and ribs that people are smoking in the parking lot, there's always plenty of ganja floating around as well. Just keep your eyes and nose open. But if you do light up, don't be a dumbass and exhale in the face of the Denver police officers who walk around the facility or trot by on horses. Smoking marijuana is illegal in public, and will remain so even after recreational sales become legal next year.
Tailgaters aren't the only ones lighting up, either. I still remember hearing the click of a lighter and smelling the sweet, skunky odor of ganja as my seat-neighbor sparked up a roach at my first Broncos game years ago, and at least once a game, I catch someone using a stealth vaporizer pen or one-hitter in the smoking section. Not that we here at Ask a Stoner would ever suggest or perform such illegal things. Wait, yes, we would.
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Dear Stoner: The Navy yard shooting rampage was a setup by president Obama so he can make stricter gun laws! Facts are 49 percent nationwide in gun violence. Americans are convinced gun homicide soars despite the plunge in gun crimes! Who do u ask is to blame!? Pharmaceutical companies that provide anti-depressants. The Navy yard killer had an honorable discharge. The Navy confirmed that he had psychiatric care for a serious mental illness, hearing voices and, of course, taking anti-depressants. This is our time, potheads, to stand up and blow the government's pharmaceutical companies out of the water!!! I have newscasts of the shooting! Please spread the word!
Aly Minyum Chapeau (via Facebook)
Dear Aly: Thank you for bringing some much-needed crazy into my otherwise much-too-sane week. Please stay high — you're much more entertaining that way.