Brandon Campbell burglarized homes while wearing GPS ankle monitor: Genius!
It can be a conundrum: What to do when stumbling upon an absolutely perfect Schmuck of the Week candidate long before Friday, when our winners are announced? Put the contest on hold for days or share the schmuckiness early in hopes that someone else will step forward who's also worthy of this honor?
In the case of Brandon Campbell, we chose the latter tack. That's because we just couldn't wait to tell you about the burglar, who committed his most recent crimes while wearing a GPS ankle monitor.
The story comes to us courtesy of CBS4, whose Rick Sallinger delivers the info in a deadpan manner that must have been difficult to sustain -- especially when he pronounces Campbell a serious contender for the title of "World's Dumbest Criminal."
We begin with the first of numerous ironies: Campbell was wearing the ankle monitor in the first place because of a previous offense during which he'd reportedly stolen a navigation GPS device.
As such, he presumably knew what these gadgets do. Yet he was accused of burglarizing as many as fifteen homes in communities such as Greenwood Village and Lakewood while rocking this fashionable item.
Along the way, Campbell is said to have created damage like this....
...and gotten away with at least $90,000 of merchandise like this:
But all good things must come to an end, and after Campbell was caught, prosecutors didn't exactly have a tough time putting together a case against him. After all, the ankle monitor allowed them to track his whereabouts and provided proof that he was at the scene of each burglary when the crime was going down.
So zany were these series of events that even Arapahoe County District Attorney George Brauchler, who's not exactly known for his gut-busting zingers, actually got off a funny line when chatting with Sallinger. In his words, "I don't think that there's any doubt at all that this guy is the last guy picked on the prison Brain Bowl team."
We plan on toasting another schmuck later this week. But don't feel bad, Brandon: We've saved plenty of schmuck love for you, too.
Look below to see a larger version of Campbell's mug shot, followed by the CBS4 report.
Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.
More from our Schmuck of the Week archive: "Robert Lee Larsen's drunken, face-smashing crime spree lands schmucky pal in jail, too."
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.
- Neighborhood Fight: Proposed Cell Tower Raises Concerns in Bonnie Brae
- Danny Ledonne: ACLU Sues Adams State Over Ban of Former Prof
- Jessica Lyn Reese, R.I.P.: Charles Anthony Busted in Murder of Young Mom