For two-and-a-half glorious hours on Sunday, the Nuggets' Birdman will become Cherry Creek North's Santaman.
From 3 to 5:30 p.m., Chris "Birdman" Andersen will (in our imaginations) cover up his miles of tats with a fluffy red Santa suit and tuck his signature mohawk under a puffball-tipped stocking hat and let kids -- big and small -- sit on his lap and whisper their Christmas wishes in his ear. He'll also sign one autograph per lap-sit; Cherry Creek's website says he'll sign "one item." Your chest is an item, right?
Here's the catch. According to Denver Magazine's website, the event -- which costs $10 a ticket and will be held in the main ballroom of the JW Marriott hotel at 150 Clayton Lane -- is sold out. So is the special $100 "VIP Reception" from 2:30 to 3 p.m. Which is bad news for you and me but a Christmas miracle for low-income kids granted scholarships through the Alliance for Choice in Education foundation, to whom all proceeds from the lap-sitting will go.
But don't worry, Denver sports nuts. Next week you'll have a chance to sit on the lap of another pro athlete: the Broncos' Darrell Reid will play Santa at the Clayton Lane Marriott from 4:30 to 7 p.m. next Friday.
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Do multi-millionaire sports stars make good Santas? Who knows. But they couldn't be worse than the St. Nicks of SketchySantas.com. Ho, ho -- hey, watch your hands, buddy.