Colorado conservatives' porkiest anti-stimulus protest ever
Nate the pig takes a stand at the State Capitol! Or, he searches for food. Either way. (And yes, that's conservative Fox News-er Michelle Malkin in the background, taking a photo with her cell phone.)
There were plenty of pork jokes -- and about 300 people -- at today's "Barack Obama: You Don't Know Stimulus" rally on the steps of the State Capitol. The packed demonstration, the details of which were explained in the earlier blog "Jon Caldara on Today's Barack Obama Protest," was organized by local conservatives to protest the president's signing of a $787 billion economic-stimulus bill in Denver this afternoon.
But in addition to the jokes, the rally also featured two actual pigs -- one alive, one dead.
The living pig was a thirteen-year-old Vietnamese potbellied pig named Nate. He was unveiled to the cheering, sign-waving, giant-check-cradling crowd as Caldara shouted into the microphone that they -- the conservatives -- had gone and stolen the opposing team's mascot. Burn.
Almost immediately, people in the crowd started singing, "Whooooo Let the Pigs Out?" (Strangely, they skipped the "woof, woof" part -- thereby missing the chance to substitute "oink, oink.") Nate, meanwhile, sniffed at the photographers huddling to get a photo of his black faux-hawk and foaming mouth, while his wrangler and owner, legislative aide Joe Neville, held fast to his leash and fed him mini dog biscuits to keep him happy and photogenic.
While the live pig was for effect, the dead pig was for eatin'. After short speeches from an all-star lineup that included Colorado Republican Party boss Dick Wadhams, former Rep. Tom Tancredo and Fox News contributor Michelle Malkin, who recently relocated to Colorado Springs, the protest ended, and the frenzy began. A throng of people mobbed Malkin for photos -- Nate was also mobbed -- as she made her way toward a roasted pig, which sat on a platter at the foot of the stairs.
Hoisting a huge butcher knife, the slight Malkin stabbed at the pig's blackened flesh to no avail. Luckily, Henri Stone, vice president of the Colorado Federation of Republican Women, was nearby. She grabbed the knife from Malkin and, gripping it tightly in her manicured fingers, hacked into that pork faster than she could say, "I'm from Western Colorado. I know how to do this."
But that didn't mean Malkin was out of a job. While Stone, er, carved, Malkin dished up pork sandwiches with her bare hands, pouring on the barbecue sauce from a giant plastic jar. Hungry conservatives jumped at the chance to eat Malkin's lunch, and at least one intimidating-looking dog went crazy at the smell of flavored meat wafting in the wind.
That's a protest good enough to eat.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Westword's biggest stories.