Colorado Rockies are bums -- but if they trade Ubaldo Jimenez, they are shmucks

We cheered when the Colorado Rockies re-signed Tulo and Cargo to huge deals before the season; we were patient as the two stars struggled... and struggled... and struggled some more; we kept our chins up as manager Jim Tracy reshuffled the lineup more times than Dexter Fowler has struck out;...

By Jonathan Shikes

July 29, 2011

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We cheered when the Colorado Rockies re-signed Tulo and Cargo to huge deals before the season; we were patient as the two stars struggled... and struggled... and struggled some more; we kept our chins up as manager Jim Tracy reshuffled the lineup more times than Dexter Fowler has struck out; and we welled up a bit as Todd Helton experienced a resurgent first half. (Hall of Fame! Hall of Fame!)

But we're done. Because, and I will put this as delicately as I can: The team stinks worse than four Taco Bell tacos that have been left in a desk drawer to rot for three weeks.

At 49 and 56, the Rockies are bad, and that record seems even worse because there were such high expectations for the team. In fact, as sports writer Adrian Dater wrote this morning, "the 2011 Rockies are a top contender for 'Most disappointing team in Denver pro sports history.'"

But to add insult to injury, the team is now taking offers for Ubaldo Jimenez, who despite his many struggles this season, is still one of the only pitchers on the team who actually makes us remember that the Rockies play in the same Major Leagues with the Phillies, the Giants, the Yankees and the Red Sox.

And don't get me started on the possibility that the Rockies will ship off Jason Giambi, a guy who has more value for his salary than any other guy on the team.

The Rockies woes make us mad, but if they trade two of the guys who can make us better, then the team is run by a bunch of shmucks.

From our Shmuck archive: "Landon Christopher Jensen, our shmuck, makes police 'work for it.'"

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