At the very least, the recent ragtag assembly of Colorado tourist-attraction mascots at the Discover Colorado Rally proved that the snuggly symbols of the state's travel industry are out of touch with reality. To appeal to today's cash-strapped consumer, Colorado needs truthier travel mascots...
Breckenridge Bud and Frozen Dead Guy lead the parade.
The Downtown Aquarium shark and the Butterfly Pavilion Praying Mantis will never attract as many tourists as Breckenridge Bud! And, unlike the other mascots pictured above, the more bong-stuffed Breckenridge Bud sucks, the better he gets.
Let's get real. Historic Molly Brown's days of icy fame are long gone. Today's tourists are more inspired by oddball reality mascots like Nederland's Frozen Dead Guy, who flashes his freezer doors to expose his frosty organs and entice the incredulous to the state's many mountain-town festivals.
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The Broncos' Miles, the Rockies' Dinger, the Nuggets' Rocky, the Mammoths' Wooly and Avalanche's Bernie should immediately be replaced with the Pine Beatles. Wearing the perfect mascot costumes, this very real Summit County bluegrass band could become the next California Raisins-style media sensation.
More from our Kenny Be/Comics archive: "Quonset huts are the ugly stepchildren of historic preservation: Kenny Be's Yard Arteology."