Country Club cabbage seeds grow faster than money trees: Kenny Be's Hip Tip
Even though household incomes in the Country Club neighborhood are three times higher than the citywide average, money does not grow on trees for residents there. The privileged citizens who live west of the Cherry Creek shopping district grow their money the old-fashioned way -- by sowing plenty of Country Club cabbage seed...
As illustrated above, Country Club cabbage is a poverty-resistant variety that forms cabbage rolls of tightly packed one-hundred dollar bills. Perfect, round heads average about 22 ounces. Very solid interior of smooth leaves with a crisp texture that spends quickly and easily in the finer stores of the Cherry Creek Mall.
Garden Hints: Avoid planting in areas outside of tall masonry walls. Great performer on properties that are adjacent to the greens of the Denver Country Club. For larger rolls of bills, plant 24" apart. Space them closer at 18" for family friendly "allowance" sizes.
More from our Kenny Be/Comics archive: "Colorado summer vacation pre-Memorial Day mascot final exam: Kenny Be's Pop Quiz."
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Westword's biggest stories.
- See Groin Groping During DIA Pat-Down That Got Two TSA Agents Fired
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:00am
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:30pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 7:30pm
Sun., Sep. 6, 2:00pm
- Dear Stoner: Is It Legal to Sell Clones on Craigslist?
- An Open Letter to Colorado Natives From a Transplant