When Dan Maes's footnote to Colorado history is written, his downfall will not be attributed to sloppy accounting or historical revisionism. Instead, he will forever be remembered as the candidate who failed to take complete advantage of the similarities between his last name and the Spanish word for corn. Imagine the visual punch that corn would have added to the Dan Maes "maiz" maze...
The Dan Maes Corn Maze would be the perfect symbol for the Dan Maes for Governor campaign. It would be particularly attractive to the Tea Party members who supported Dan in the primary election because it allows them to travel a path that looks the same going forward as it does going back, with no advance knowledge of where they are going or memory of where they have been.
The admission fees to the corn maze would also have helped to raise much-needed campaign funding for Dan's struggling campaign. There might have even been enough money to buy some distinctive Dan Maes campaign corn hats...
If only Dan had adopted the song "Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'" as his theme song his corn cap would now be as high as (the GOP) elephant's eye! As shown in photo above, the corn gimmick would have allowed him to spend less time making retractions and more time singing, "I got a beautiful feelin'/ Everything's going my way."
As shown below, the corn cap would also give a little volume to his running mate's hair...
Pictured above, Lt. Gov. running mate Tambor Williams brings a lot to the Dan Maes for Governor campaign. However, she doesn't bring a lot of style. Tambor only owns three pants suits. Typically, she is seen in the campaign office wearing any number of free T-shirts that she has been given.
Whenever Tambor appears in public, the Dan Maes corn cap would really help pull the eyes of her audience away from her outfits and up to her face, where the attention can be focused on the words coming from her mouth.
Look below to see the Dan Maes for Governor "October Surprise" Halloween costume...
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
With Tom Tancredo surging in the polls, desperate times call for desperate measures. It is not too late for Dan to take advantage of the similarities between his name and the Spanish word for corn.
With each passing week, Tom Tancredo will sound more and more reasonable to voters. But Tom will look like a ridiculous fool if he is seen arguing about illegal immigration with Dan (seen to the right) dressed as a cob of "maiz," the most widely grown crop in America, and a native of Mexico!