Dear Westword: I want to start by saying I’m a Chicano. Now, I don’t understand why you allow Gastavo [sic] Arellano’s article in your publication. He is a racist. First, he has a negative cartoon of a Mexican. Just look at it. Just because his last name is Arellano does not give him the right to display such filth and to speak for all people of Mexican or Latino decent [sic]. Second, he calls white people gabachos. In Spanish, this is the white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth. It’s the equivalent of calling a black person a “nigger,” a Mexican a “beaner” or a Jew a “kike.” It’s ugly, isn’t it? I’ve brought this up to him, and his response to me is that it’s all in jest. How can you call a person a racist name in jest? Please take his racist ass off your magazine and please look into the work [sic] gabacho.
Dear Readers: This guy sent me a separate e-mail, saying I didn’t have “the balls” to publish his letter. Well, guess what, Chicano Charlie? Not only do I have the huevos, I also have the facts. I’ve never claimed to speak for all Mexicans — just the smart ones. A gabacho is a gabacho, not saliva; you’re thinking of baba, which should be familiar, since your words are babadas. If we want to call a gabacho a nasty name, we call him a “Donald Trump supporter.” And who says you can’t call someone a racist name in jest? Anything is possible in this columna — including not granting a pendejo his dream. So guess what? This columna ain’t going nowhere. Feliz Navidad, gabacho!
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SHOW ME HOW
Dear Mexican: I own a shop in a small complex. I see lone Mexican guys (no wife or girlfriend in sight) buying expensive jewelry. I’m sure they are going to trade the jewelry for quickie sex, possibly with our women. Isn’t this crude, low-class, and tantamount to prostitution? At least us white Americans of European descent know how to wine, dine and make a girl feel special before asking for the hot biscuit. Where’s the romance? Are Mexicans only interested in getting their rocks off?
Honestly Outraged Local Entrepreneur
Dear HOLE: You’re just jealous that they’re not shopping at your store. You’re also mad that these hombres are getting action: Last I heard, a woman is more apt to go out with a man who surprises her with a ring than a loser who refers to her privates as a “hot biscuit.” But, yes: Mexican men are only interested in having sex with white women. Sucks for you!
GRACIAS, READERS! For another awesome year of questions, kind words, hilarious hate mail and ever-present desmadre. Reward your faithful Mexican by watching the premiere of Bordertown, the Fox animated show that I was a consulting producer for, on January 3 at 9:30 p.m. ET. Y Feliz Año Nuevo to all!